IT'S THE WEEKEND! Here's some thoughts.

Dude, yesterday's games were so slow and low-scoring. Let's hope that this weekend brings MORE GRATIFICATION and MORE BLOWOUTS.

In other news, I've re-signed Grandaddy Varitek for next week. Haha. I love that he got thrown out of last night's game after hitting two home runs. That's the kind of passion we like to see at Ladies Love Us.

If only someone would light a fire under Grady...Paul keeps insisting that Grady smells really bad and that's why he's not hitting well, but that 1) makes no sense and 2) can't possibly be true.

Managers, who do you think is your worst smelling player? I'm going to go with Adam Dunn on this one. With a nickname like Big Donkey? How could he not be?

Photos of the Day: 5/28/09

Only five games today, so not many photos to choose from.

Doesn't Chipper look young here?

Papelbon being modest in his save??? Maybe he read our comments from a previous post.

BOBBY SCALES IS BACK EVERYONE! I saw him hit a solo HR, scoring the only run (or point) in the game tonight. But then he missed his chance to solidify his place in the big leagues when he missed a grand slam opportunity in the bottom of the 9th inning.

Jay-Rod. Jay-Z's hair is a hot mess. That should be illegal. Ugh.

Photos of the Day: 5/27/09

Today's theme is, "I can't even know what to say."*

This does not look right. Jimmy Rollins looks like he's missing a leg here.

I like it when animals are incorporated into baseball, especially when there's a showdown between humans and non-human animals. What are the eagle and A-Rod thinking?

What could have been said to provoke Erik Bedard's facial expression?

Ichiro is caught stealing a base. There should be a name for this kind of tag out. OWT? CROTCHOUT? COCKSHOT PART THREE**?

So we all know about Carlos Zambrano going absolutely berserk today for a call at home plate. I guess I like this picture because it looks like God (invisible) is intervening by picking him up from the back of his jersey to try to force him to calm down.

God failed. I can't believe that ball he threw went all the way to the bleachers? Was that for real? This is the kind of tantrum a very young child may or may not throw, depending on the parents. The fact that this facial expression is on an adult is out of control***!

*This is a Mariah-Carey-ism, not me being an ESL speaker.
**This is a Lincon Park High School c/o 2002 reference, the video for which I cannot find right now; sorry to those who haven't seen it.
***To keep up with the Mariah-Carey-ism theme†, the proper denotation for "out of control" is "OOC." See track 11 on her most recent album, E=MC², for more information.
†If you don't like the Mariah Carey and baseball combo, I understand. However, it's not an entirely random connection, as she did date Derek Jeter, with whom she reportedly bonded over being biracial. I'll try to minimize the Mimi allusions, but this is just how my brain works.

New header + Photos of Yesterday

OK! Looks like I was fretting over nothing. My problem solving skills are a little rusty, but I figured out a simple way to keep my header while not messing with the main text and sidebar widths.

I found yesterday's photos to be kind of uninspiring. I also overlooked a gem from previous days. So here are the "Photos of the Day" for yesterday.

May 24, 2009: Matt Palmer avoids a BEE

May 26, 2009: Nick Swisher spreads the love as storms brew above

May 26, 2009: Zack Greinke went nuts again yesterday. I really want photographers to catch these folks when Greinke has three strikeouts. Maybe they just wait for the fourth one and tack the third and fourth "K" at once.

EDIT
May 26, 2009: This picture was hiding in the wrong folder. Bartolo Colon pitched awesome last night despite being really fat and old. Amazing!

Header Issues

Hello everyone. I am so sick of the Carlos Pena header it's not even funny. I can't imagine how annoying it must be for others who don't even have any investments in Pena to see him every day at the top of this blog. He's not even leading in home runs anymore, or at least not significantly. Anyway, the new header is sitting in my computer and in my Gmail account, waiting to go anytime. I just need a little help figuring out the HTML layout settings so that the width of the main text and sidebar lineup with the header. So......STAY TUNED!!!

P.S. If anyone would like to help ahemJoeahem please let me know and I will grant access to layout privileges, which I don't think other contributors have.

Memorial Day Baseball Photos

A-Rod and Teixeira: BFF4LYFE

Jose Conseco's post-baseball life biography should be used in anti-steroid campaigns. Here he is in none other than YOKOHAMA, about to fight a South Korean mountain main in mixed martial arts fighting.

Cindy McCain looks like she is suppressing a serious urge to kick the ball on the mound.

A.J. doesn't get enough love. Here he is fooling around with the best center fielder ever, Brian Anderson.

Matsui does not look pleased with his Memorial Day hat.

POLL: DO YOU LIKE THE RED MEMORIAL DAY HATS?

Photos of the Weekend

I'm going to have to cheat here since I'm so far behind. I'll be recapping from May 21 to May 24, the last four days of week 7 here in Fantasy. I'll pick up again tomorrow with May 25 photos to mark the start of week 8. Plus, all those red hats today deserve their own post.

May 21, 2009: Rangers pitcher Derek Holland wears a Disney princess backpack to the bullpen for unknown reasons. That'd be cute if he had to bring his daughter to work.

May 21, 2009: Twins annihilate the White Sox.

May 21, 2009: Astro Lance Berkman poses with his dog for some sort of calendar. I like how the dog is hefty, like Berkman. That's how you know it's really Berkman's dog.

May 22, 2009: David Eckstein HIT BY PITCH! Hehe...I hate him.

May 22, 2009: Alfredo Amezaga is sad. This must have been the day they were destroyed by Tampa Bay. On the Marlins' website this day, there was a feature article on how Jorge Cantu has "insider information" on the Rays because he played there for many years before joining the Marlins. The next thing I know, the score is 8-0 in favor of the Rays in the second inning. So much for "insider information," which was probably just, "Watch out for the entire lineup."

May 23, 2009: Sam the bald eagle from Cincinnati Zoo is apparently the star of a show the zoo has. How is a bird the star of a show?

May 23, 2009: Matt Kemp celebrates as he scores a run. This is a good way to score a run if you're not in a rush. Even if you are, you can slide and then get up and do this "I Scored a Run~" Matt Kemp dance.

May 24, 2009: Brian McCann watches his foul ball fly into the crowds. "Eee." It looks like he almost hit small children.

May 24, 2009: For someone who just tore something important in their knee and was taken out of the season for it, Akinori Iwamura does not look like he's in any pain.

May 24, 2009: To answer a question Jenni asked earlier re: the LandShark Stadium, the seats appear to be orange. This kid looks mighty pissed and sad.

May 24, 2009: Another one for Jenni--Sizemore finally appears in the Yahoo! Photo Gallery. There is more dust than Grady in this photo, but at least he was safe!

Just Sayin'

I know I over-love on Casey Blake, but here he is on the front page of ESPN MLB. He's been everywhere, recently, and I'm super proud. IOWA! Just want to say that Third Base or Bust / Ladies Love Us were early on board "Ship Go! Casey."

I should be Casey Blake's publicist. If only he could lend his former team mate Grady Sizemore a bit of his hitting magic. Spread it around, boys.

Anyway, am very much looking forward to Kei's photo wrap up and Joe's weekly beast review. I can't believe it's not Sunday and that a new week of Fantasy is upon us. Congratulations to all for making it through one whole cycle!

Maybe This is Bad Karma...

...but Jonathan Papelbon blew his first save tonight. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

In other news, Tampa is killing Florida (again). Grady Sizemore is going hitless (again, although admittedly he seemed to be breaking out of his slump yesterday. Nope. Not yet. But someday.... I believe). The Yankees won (again...okay, fine. They didn't win yesterday, but they've been winning a lot this week).

I'm watching the Dodgers-Angels game. John Lackey is as ugly as always. Juan Pierre wears his hat funny. And Vin Scully is AMAZING. He talked for five minutes about John Lackey flunking high school algebra. How does he know that?!

Oops. Randy Wolf just gave up a home run. BOOOOO. This is probably what I get for being so smugly satisfied about J. Pap. WHATEVER. HATERS MUST HATE.

Enter The Zone

According to Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Baseball, "The Zone" is managed by the infamous Slavoj Zizek, whose name-accents I can't accurately reproduce here. According to Wikipedia, Zizek is a a "Lacanian Marxist sociologist, psychoanalyst, philosopher, and cultural critic." Busy guy. No wonder his Fantasy team is on autopilot.

In truth (although really, what is truth?), "The Zone" is the unloved robot baseball-child of artist and former Grinnellian, Nathan T.A. Here he is in front of a photocopied enlargement of Mordecai's freshman year ID photo:

I saw Nate last night at his MFA Thesis exhibition (congratulations, Nate!), and asked him a few questions about Fantasy baseball. Here's the conversation:

Jenni: So, let's talk about baseball.
Nate: (laughs) Okay.
Jenni: I hate to say it, but your team isn't doing very well.
Nate: Oh, I know....
Jenni: Really? Have you logged in since the season started?
Nate: Nope. It's a case of complete neglect.
Jenni: Well, I told Kei I would ask you about your team....
Nate: Hmm. I can say something about A-Rod. (laughs)
Jenni: Let me get out my notebook.
Nate: I'm very excited about A-Rod's return to the team and his future this year. He has a bright future and I'm totally unconcerned about his steroid use. It's not even an issue. I find him to be a very attractive young man and I think that the separation from his wife was the right thing. How's that?
Jenni: Good.
Nate: Feel free to embellish that in any way. (laughs)
Jenni: Oh, I will.

WHAT IS TRUTH?


I mean, here's Kei wearing a Cubs hat at a cross-dressing Harris party. Was Kei a Cubs fan? Is she now, secretly? Where stand the borders between Fantasy, Life and Lies?

To distort a quotation from another famous cultural critic, Theodor Adorno:

"It is self-evident that nothing concerning [Fantasy Baseball] is self-evident anymore. Not its inner life, not its relation to the world, not even its right to exist."

Photos of the Day: 5/20/09

Empty LandShark Stadium at the beginning of Game 1 against the Diamondbacks. No one in Miami cares to see Hanley?! Or Jorgie?!

Noooo, SS Choo sinks

Don't chew tobacco when you field, chew gum!

Another gum lover, David Wright

Every time Phillips gets on base, it looks like he does a little dance. There should be a video montage documenting this tendency.

Congrats to Big Papi; sorry to Joe who benched him for the first time this season in another league. Pedroia looks like a very small child here.

When I first saw that Matthew McConaughey threw the ceremonial pitch at the Mets vs. Dodgers game, I thought "Oh God, he's just promoting some awful movie, this man needs to retire." But then I looked at his hat, and I'm pretty sure it's a reference to a famous line from one of his earlier roles in "Dazed and Confused": "Just keep on livin'...L-I-V-I-N." He was a big sleazeball in that movie, and I thought it suited him so well. I'm not sure what that logo is though; I may be wrong. But if I'm right, I cannot hate on the man.

PAPI DID IT!

HOME RUN!

I can't believe I missed it. Boooooooo. But still, I'm glad.

Photos of the Day: 5/19/2009

Yankees manager Joe Girardi warms up...I am officially scared of this man.

Captain Jeter checks on the SwishHawk. I like how Jeter wears his hat, very leader-like. Actually this photo gets better every time I look at it.

Cantu can't believe they lost to the Diamondbacks. You still have a huge fan in Chicago, Jorgie!!!

OHMURPH!

Look at Prince's jersey. Down to his KNEES! Everyone else's is down to their middle thighs!

The Mariners preach to the children. Lookit Griffey cracking up--Ichiro must be talking some universe business about not doing drugs, valuing education, acheiving dreams, and whatever else the caption said.

Who is "arbitup"?

It's time unveil the identity one of the best but apparently robotic teams, "arbitup."

August 1998, Lincoln Park High School
Freshman year of high school begins for managers Joe, Nar, Andy, and me. I remember seeing Joe and the whole armada of "gifted" Bell students* on the first day of school outside the freshman building--he and Vinh were playing TETRIS AGAINST EACH OTHER on GRAPHING CALCULATORS. I had never seen a graphing calculator in my life before high school.

Anyway, I also distinctly remember a tall Asian boy, initially always with a tall Eastern European boy (who later turned out to be the genius trilingual Admir), walking around like they had places to be. I think they took their ID photos before me. Said tall Asian boy wore Polo, baggy jeans, and had a BOWL CUT that was GELLED INTO SECTIONS, making him look like he had a black PINEAPPLE BOWL CUT (the closest I could get is the image above right; photos courtesy of Joe; graffiti on right courtesy of Wesley, I think). I had never seen so many Asians in one place before, and Andy was one of the first who taught me, implicitly, that one can be "so Asian" by: hanging out with other Asians, wearing Ralph Lauren/Polo and Abercrombie & Fitch, gelling hair, and aiming for good grades, among other things. (For girls, I found that being Asian entailed wearing lots of Bebe as well, at least in our time.)

*I put the word "gifted" in quotes because that's what they were called, not because I doubt or hate on their giftedness. I can only hope my children can qualify for Bell's gifted program.

High School and Beyond
Andy was a stellar student in high school, studying hard, running hard, working hard for the money, and possibly even spiking hard on the volleyball team (I recall at least one successful spike while keeping score junior year, or was that Wesley?). He was also apparently a black belt in tae kwon do. It was rumored that he was the nicest boyfriend ever, possibly even too nice. He attended a liberal arts college on a full scholarship, studying history and economics, and becoming the most popular frat boy of his class. He landed a job as a FINANCIAL BALLER in Chicago, first living near that ratty Sears up north, then Wrigleyville ("Go Cubbies!" says Andy all the time) and now in a fancy condo skyscraper (OK, not really). I once took the pleasure of pretending to be Andy in his Wrigleyville apartment:

And here is Joe in Andy's tae kwon do gear, dancing to I think New Kids On The Block, but it could have been something else on Sing Star.

So, Andy is a very friendly, nice guy, who takes excellent care of his people. The only flaw I can think of pre-Fantasy is that he buys a lot of store brand shit. He had us over for a wine and cheese party recently, and the only cheese he had was what looked like ONE Kraft Single in his fridge, but it turned out to be a Jewel version made to look like Kraft, with all that navy blue design. That was so wrong.

2009 Baseball Season
Unable to find enough managers for an ideal league, Mordecai asked and persuaded Andy to join. Mordecai always says of Andy, "We're bros," so I think Mordecai didn't just want Andy to be in our league for the sake of having at least 8 teams; I think he wanted to strengthen their friendship through Fantasy. Here is photographic evidence of them being "bros," even though there's a general air of disinterestedness or detachment or something not-very-bro-y permeating through the photo:

Andy joined as team "arbitup." The significance of the name is currently unknown, though it seems like the name wasn't created to have no meaning--Andy recently joined Twitter and his username changed from his full name to "andy_arb." So far, Joe and I have thought of some kind of connection to Arby's. I invite others to think of hypotheses.

Unfortunately for Mordecai, the bro-bond is not strengthening at all. As far as anyone can tell, it seems like Andy is completely neglecting his Fantasy duties. He was not present for the live draft, and it appeared he had not set up a pre-draft ranking list. Moreover, he had LAST PICK and still ended up with an outstanding lineup. He has definitely made no moves for his team since the season has started; I don't think he's ever changed his lineup; and it looks like he never even logs in to check on his team or anything in the league. Some of us have actually seen him since the draft and since the season has started, and yet no one has been able to discern whether he cares about Fantasy at all or is secretly trying to destroy us. Maybe he has good reasons to shirk all Fantasy duties, but what's so frustrating is that he's doing SO WELL and has suffered NO INJURIES. And here are all these other managers pouring their hearts out into Fantasy, suffering injuries, lineup changes, roster changes, shuffling around in the league standings every week instead of staying steady in the top three every week.

After this week, we'll all have gone through the first cycle of facing every team. Will arbitup keep up the fantastic work? Will Andy ever really need to change his lineup? Will he surface and publicly participate? Will he ever care about any baseball besides the Cubs? arbitup is indeed one of the greater mysteries of our league. To be continued, perhaps.