See You At The Draft(s)

The countdown 'til Fantasy Baseball 2010 begins.

Superlative Awards

The 2009 Marauders of Time Champions are The Poppersteins, who under manager Kei triumphed in a close and heated battle with Joe's CHUTLEY. Congratulations to our 2 all-star managers. Thank you to everyone for participating. Next year should be at least as exciting as our collective competency will be heightened.

Now for Managerial Superlatives:
Rookie of the Year: Kei (The Poppersteins)
Most Improved (through semi-legal self-correcting statistical probability databases): Joe (CHUTLEY)
Most Passionate: Jenni (Ladies Love Us)
Most Suprisingly Beastliest: Nar (Hit by Pitch)
Most Paternally Distracted: Ed (Vaggie Burgers)
Most Enslaved by Evil AI: Andy (Arbitup)
Most Metsiest: Mordecai (Impending Doom)
Most Invisible: Nate (The Zone)

Ch-ch-ch-changes

IS THIS GOING TO TURN INTO A FOOTBALL BLOG?

David & Goliath

It all really started yesterday when Brandon Inge and Miguel Cabrera were hit by Boston pitches, and when Edwin Jackson hit Youkilis. But today's "oh HELL naw" started with this 23 year old kid, Junichi Tazawa, when he hit Miggy in the hand and bruised him day-to-day. OMG MIGGY.

I wonder what Tazawa's intentions were, or if he was instructed to hit Miggy. This kid looks familiar, but I may be completely making things up. In any case, Tazawa seems to hail from Yokohama, so I can't totally hate on that. If he's known to hang around Isezaki-cho, then I can see why he'd try to hit someone to protect Youkilis Sempai. But that's not gonna go without consequences. The Tigers have a young lion with the spirit of SIMBA, RICK PORCELLO. I call him "Ricky P."

This is just sick to look at. Youkilis' face should be pixelated, like when people don't want the world to know what they look like, or when someone swears and a TV network blurs their mouth so the children can't read lips, except all over his nasty face. WTH, is Youkilis 12 years old or so?

Anyway, Porcello wins.

Porcello looks good angry with that Slam Dunk-esque hair. I like how Papa Leyland is taking him home.

PLACIDO POLANCO CAN ONLY HIT WITH PEOPLE ON BASE! Curtis Granderson had brought whoever was on base before him with a homerun, so bases were empty when Polanco went up to bat. Tigers lose, 5-7. But today, I share some of my infinite baseball love for Miggy with Ricky P. Baseball love, Tigers love, brotherly love, LOVE IS ALL!

AVAILABLE

Look at that beautiful coiffure.

I was really inspired by this Woman's World headline. Unfortunately it proved not to be as prophetic as I had hoped. However, I promise you my fellow managers and friends, Fantasy Week 14 will end with me victoriously proclaiming this motto from my 7th place perch.

At Bat: Undefined

I don't know why I think it's so funny when StatTracker lists players as "Undefined." That said, I really enjoy the mental image of Harang and Sowers pitching on an empty field.

Girls in Baseball

You don't see very many girls in baseball. Here are some I caught a month or so ago. I forgot I had this photo saved on a different computer. Enjoy.

FLORIDA MARLINS' MERMAID GIRLS

Photos of the Day, 6/25/09

Carlos Silva "plants a kiss" on Ichiro's cheek.

Jose Valverde is back!

Reverse Samson! Magglio hit a HR last night. I think he feels refreshed.

Why does Manny look like a Sk8r Boi? Why is his belly protruding?

Hair Photos of the Day

I read this afternoon before games started that Magglio Ordonez got his hair cut, and eagerly awaited photos on Yahoo!'s gallery. They did not disappoint. He looks like a young boy! He's on first base here, right? Is this the Reverse Samson Effect?

And then I noticed that someone else was missing signature locks: Vladimir Guerrero!

I'm calling it now, as unlikely as it is: the next player to cut his hair is MANNY. It'll be his way of saying sorry, breaking up, and moving on. I hear that when girls in Japan cut their hair and thus drastically change their image, it's a symbolic way of having broken up with someone and marching on into the future.

Perhaps then, all those stupid Mannywood wigs will go away.

UNRELATED PHOTO OF THE DAY:

"I GOT IT! I GET TO EAT IT. I'M GONNA EAT IT."

Photos of the Day, 6/23/09

I've been busy with a variety of things this past week or so, but thankfully the iPhone has kept me up to date. Also, the hotel in Pennsylvania had the MLB Network, in addition to the inferior ESPN.

More interleague this week, and some noteworthy photos popping up.

I think this photo was taken before Lincecum gave up a HR to professional shithole Jason Giambi.

David Price seemed to have had some issues in the first inning. Here is CHUTEY's Price giving up a HR to CHUTLEY's Utley, who is fuzzily rounding the bases in the background.

Impending Doom has some issues themselves, but here is their Rios stealing third.

Inge is perhaps tired of being surprised at himself doing so well despite not being a big star for the Tigers. Here he is falling asleep after hitting his HR, and it looks like a child scrawled something on his forearm with eyeliner or that eye smudge stuff. tOMA?

Hit By Pitch's Hanley hits a grand slam against the Orioles, or more accurately/importantly, against Impending Doom.

Grady comes back from the DL, here he is anxious to hit a triple for Ladies Love Us. Welcome back, Grady!

Jorge Cantu hits the game winning single, scoring Emilio Bonifacio. I've seen video of Jorge celebrating a walk-off something or other, and there he ended up celebrating awkwardly too.

Some other gems from the past couple of days:

Emilio Navarro throws the ceremonial first pitch...the caption said he played in the Negro Leagues and is 103 years old. I can't get over this.

There were so many Getty Image photos of Pujols from yesterday's game with the Mets. Every single hair on his face is in place, it's amazing. Click on the image for full size.

Davonte Kelly throws the ceremonial first pitch today at CitiField. Apparently he was hit by a stray bullet in Brooklyn while taking a picture for his baseball team some time ago. That's some crazy talk.

Ozzie must think the umpire speaks crazy talk too, here he is tossing the lineup card after getting ejected from the game today against the Dodgers.

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OMG I am in such a foul mood. The weather here in Chicago is horrible. It's not so much the rain itself (temperatures are not too low) but the commuting, unsuccessful shopping, and being quasi-stranded in it that make me angry. And here I was thinking that there is nothing worse than unsuccessful shopping in the rain, but no! I check scores and see that Justin Verlander gives up four runs in the first inning against the P.O.S. Cardinals. Could there be something worse than that? Oh yes. INTENTIONALLY WALKING ALBERT PUJOLS NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE. I'm mad because Verlander didn't wimp out against Jim Thome last week, not that the White Sox had any lead nor is Albert Pujols the same entity as Jim Thome. I was led to believe that Verlander is THE TRUTH (nickname by Rod Allen, who for unknown reasons I started following on Twitter), but shit, I saw FALLACIES when I last checked the box score.

I refuse to check any more box scores today, though maybe I'll check things at midnight. I like Joe's method from back in May where he would close Stat Tracker in disgust and fall asleep, and then would wake up to great things for his team.



...But you know I still love Justin.

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If Stat Tracker ever reads 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7, Yahoo! Fantasy Sports should give us each a million dollars.

Photos of the Day: 6/10/09

Raul Ibanez was like, dancing in the dugout when Chase Utley hit his HR. Here, they go "BELLISTIC" for Nar and Joe, fine graduates of Bell Elementary School.

Edwin Jackson: "I hope I can pitch as good as you tomorrow!"
Justin Verlander: "Yeah."

It worries me that many baseball players take care of their eyebrows better than I take care of mine. I fear David Wright is getting a little pluck happy, but maybe it's just the angle.

I like to see Big Papi happy.

Dustin Pedroia: "So, the last time we owned you was what, 1912? I'm getting excited just thinking about it, man."
Derek Jeter: "Shut up, you're such a twat."
But we all know in reality, Jeter would be more diplomatic about it, like "Stop being immature, young man."

Do all Japanese baseball players look like anime characters? Ichiro got hit by a pitch here, but it's more like the post-hit-by-pitch so I'm going to post it even though the hit-by-pitch-photos are technically reserved for Nar. (BTW, are there any pictures of Scott Baker getting hit by Pujols' bat?)

Hank Blalock of the Rangers enjoys his time off during the rain delay. Here are some other photos that show how bad the rain was.

Carlos Beltran cannot make the catch. Mordecai said this picture reminds him of this. I'm not sure I understand, but he's the commisioner, so let's just nod and smile.

DET@CWS 6/9/09

Yesterday Mordecai and I took my cousin to the Tigers vs. White Sox game. Dontrelle Willis and Mark Buehrle pitched. Miguel Cabrera was playing 1B even though he has a slightly injured hamstring. In my head, I was rooting in twenty million directions. Ideally, I'd go the Jarrett Route and "transcend team loyalties," cheering for baseball more broadly, but no, I am still entangled in fantasy-reality-personal biases. I wanted Dontrelle to pitch well so he can preserve his spot in the Tigers rotation (Bonderwho?), but I also needed Alexei Ramirez, Jermaine Dye, Curtis Granderson, and Cabrera to hit to raise my average for fantasy. I wanted Rodney to not blow his save because he somehow looks like a gummy bear to me, but it was also nice to see Paul Konerko get some shit done tying the game. I'm not sure I've seen Mordecai get out of his seat to cheer for someone or something. I think he was fueled by both fantasy and reality concerns, but maybe more fantasy than he's willing to admit out loud. No one, not even the Tigers fans around us who stayed until the end of the game, cheered for Miggy's game winning homer. I think everyone wanted to go home because it was cold. From our seats, it looked like the ump was giving some bogus calls so he could go home too.

Here are some photo highlights from last night, possibly reflecting my various interests.

Dontrelle is a big man. Does he have a fan club? Can I be president?

Cabrera was wandering around with a bat in the dugout, until someone took it away from him. Then he looked like he wanted to dive forward, or do some gymnastics.

JIMMY GOBBLE! I wish I remembered his entrance music. Octavio Dotel, who requested and received a hug from President Obama at the White House, enters with Wisin & Yandel's "Ahora Es," whose chorus lyrics I tried but failed to learn.

Here's a picture of the little conversation that Laird and Pierzynski had and the drama that followed. Notice Buerhle smiling on the left, Jermaine Dye's shiny head, Beckham failing to have any substantial reason to be there except to witness his first exciting "incident" in the majors, and possibly Rick Porcello on the right somewhere in a hooded sweatshirt. IMO, Inge and Thome look like the biggest diplomats in this scene.

Here are Alexei (pronounced Al-eh-say and not Aleksei?) and Miggy in the bottom of the 9th. They look annoyed to be near each other. DON'T YOU GUYS KNOW YOU'RE TEAMMATES ON THE POPPERSTEINS? I almost typed Poopersteins.

Tonight Justin Verlander and John Danks are pitching. Mordecai pointed out that Danks looks like Popeye. Jenni and I agreed that Justin is good-looking. Hmm. Will I have to go to a bar to see this game tonight? Will I enjoy it or will it be torture?

Photos of the Day, 6/9/09

Let's get the nasty out of the way.

A.J. Burnett kicks over a water cooler after being pulled from the game. I saw Jenni's frustration tweet but damn, I didn't know he was pulled so early and that it was what looks like pouring. That sucks.

The ugliest man in MOT, American, and Major Leagues. Congratulations on your Triple Crown, Youkilis.

Dontrelle didn't get destroyed, but it wasn't easy to watch him pitch either. Here he tries to tag Scotty Potty out, but fails. I can't bring myself to post the photo of him on the ground desperately throwing the ball to Miggy to get the last out.

Now onto the borderline nasty-acceptable photos.

Yunel Escobar joined Impending Doom recently, and has been contributing pretty decently. I heard his hair was frosted, but holy shit, this is some bullcookie straight from the 90's.

Rafael Furcal steals a base for arbitup. No one steals a base for the Poppersteins. GRRR.

Saving the best for last:

A beautiful portrait of Adrien Gonzalez (click for full Getty Image size). I imagine Joe rubbing his belly in delight at the sight of this photo.

Grandy hugs Miggy for game-winning home run. Which I happily witnessed!

"For the hell of it" Photo of the Day: Joe Torre is The Man on the west coast (click for full Getty Image size)!