Ladies Love Us- April Performance Reviews

Hello Fantasy Baseball Friends and thank you, Kei, for providing me with this forum into which I will undoubtedly flood with posts of the anxious, angry and ecstatic varieties. Before launching into all that, though, I would like to write first month performance reviews to the members of Ladies Love Us.

C- Pablo Sandoval, SF Giants

Dear Pablo,

I don't know who you are, but you went 4/4 the other night and seem to be hitting fairly consistently. Also, last night you stole a base, which surprised me because I thought that you were fat! I'll have to look at your Yahoo! Fantasy Sports mugshot more closely. Anyway, keep up the good work!

Love,
Jenni

1B- Carlos Delgado, NY Mets

Hi Carlos,

Doing it good for an old dude. Looking forward to your return on Friday, hopefully.

Love,
Jenni

2B- Robinson Cano, NY Yankees

Dear Robbie,

You're the best. Thank you for your 15-game hitting streak and for your valiant performance against the Red Sox. A commentator on ESPN said that he thinks you need psychoanalysis, but I think you're doing just fine. You look a lot bigger than last year, though, so I hope you're NOT ON DRUGS. Don't break my heart and swing for the fences! You can do it!!!!!

Love,
Jenni

SS- Derek Jeter, NY Yankees

Dear Derek,

Some people think that your glory days are over, but not me. I don't mind that you haven't had a hit in two days. I will never, ever put you on the bench. You're the captain forever.

Love,
Jenni

3B- Casey Blake, LA Dodgers

Dear Casey,

I used Google Maps to look at a street view image of your house in Iowa. Is that creepy? Well, you're the one who let them put your address in the phone book. Anyway, you've consistently surprised me by not sucking as much as everyone said you would, so thanks for that. I know that there are third basemen with much better numbers in the free agent pool, but this team is about love so you have nothing to worry about. Also, thank you for hitting that awesome home run the other night. I hope you like L.A.!

Love,
Jenni


OF- Manny Ramirez, LA Dodgers

Hi Manny,

You're having a great week! Please don't get in any fist fights with first base umpires. I've been watching you on TV and you look like you might. Let's hit a few more home runs next month, okay? I know you can do it!

Love,
Jenni

OF- Grady Sizemore, CLE Indians

Dear Grady,

I know you know that you're having a horrible week and I know you know that I know that you'll pull out of it. I mean, of course you don't know that I know that because we don't know each other. But you know what I mean. You've really carried this team at points, and I want you to know that I'm behind you 100% no matter what. Thanks for all of your hard work!

Love,
Jenni

OF- Nick Swisher, NY Yankees

HI NICK,

WHAT UP DUDE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HIT TWO HOME RUNS LAST NIGHT! THAT WAS SWEET! WORD!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Jenni

Util- Torii Hunter, LA Angels
B- Adam Dunn, WAS Nationals (or Natinals)
B- Ken Griffey Jr., SEA Mariners
B- Brett Gardner, NY YAnkees
B- Vladdy Guerrero, LA Angels
B- Jason Varitek, BOS Red Sox

Dear Rotating Bench Members,

I am going to address you as a unit because, as far as I can tell, you're all pretty much interchangeable (except Vladdy,who is injured. Feel better!). Seeing as that I'll probably never bench 7 of the 9 people in my starting lineup, I hope you don't mind doing nothing for most of the season.

Love,
Jenni

P- C.C. Sabathia, NY Yankees
P- Derek Lowe, ATL Braves
P- Roy Halladay, TOR Blue Jays
P- A.J. Burnett, NY Yankees
P- Javier Vasquez, ATL Braves
RP- Kerry Wood, CLE Indians
RP- Mariano Rivera, NY Yankees

Dear Roy and Kerry,

I have never seen a photo of either of you smiling. Are you okay? I am slightly afraid of you, but thanks for all of those strike outs.

Love,
Jenni

Dear Yankees Pitchers,

Everyone's all down on you and your bullpen, but I have faith.

Love,
Jenni

Dear Derek Lowe,

You seem like a really nice person and you're doing pretty well! Thanks very much and sorry that your team blows.

Love,
Jenni

Dear Javier Vasquez,

I don't know who you are, but you throw strikes like a maniac. I love it! Again, sorry that your team blows, also.

Love,
Jenni