DRAFT DAY

He looks so happy and so young in the face!

On Saturday night, I was planning out my "IDEAL TEAM: THE POPPERSTEINS," but I was also preparing for a backup plan, known as "NON-IDEAL TEAM: THE LITTLE OMARS." I was trying to prepare myself for the worst: last pick, no Miguel Cabrera. Thirty minutes before the draft, I found out I was--oh, indeed--LAST PICK. I panicked, thinking that there was no way I'd get the LORD MIGGY, whose overall rank by Yahoo was 11. I was prepared to go with plan B and select players to whom I had no particular attachments but also knew were good people to have, so that I could terrorize the entire league with them. I was envisioning being the MoT version of Omar Little from "The Wire."

But by the grace of fantasy baseball gods, I ended up with the LORD MIGGY! First of all, Ryan Howard was totally unloved and neglected in the first round. And then there was magic. I must personally thank both Slippery Logicians and Waste Wildenstein. I owe these managers a cookie or two. Slippery Logicians made sure to secure MIKE LOWELL, for familial reasons, and Waste Wildenstein locked in ace pitchery in the form of TIM LINCECUM. As our favorite Steak 'N Shake waiter says, "Gooood choiiiice, gooood choiiiice..." With these moves, I was able to select Miggy. I had to pick again immediately after because of the snaking order, so I was able to get my ideal second pick, KING FELIX HERNANDEZ. The rest of my team is a strange mashup of Tigers, Rockies, and Marlins players, with an estranged person here and there.

The draft took three hours to complete and I am exhausted. Unfortunately, I have to deal with this thing called "reality," but I'll be back soon with a collage of my team.