New Addition

Welcome to the clubhouse, Jose. That's your locker next to Buster's. Batting Practice at 4:30. See you in the dugout...

Jose Tabata was under the impression that, by marrying a woman 20 years his senior, he could bypass the years of twenty-something drama...

Wife of Pirates Outfielder Could Face Life in Prison for Kidnapping -- MLB FanHouse

Behind Razor Shines, Aaron Boone, the senior Griffey, Pedro Alvarez, and maybe Roger Maris...Jose Tabata is hands-down my favorite former Indianapolis Indian.

UPDATE: Answer to the question "Who is Jose Tabata?" becomes ever murkier: can we even be sure of his age?

As host, Torii has graciously offered to put on a pre-game backyard pig roast and cocktail hour...

Not Quite Jim Abbott

Sources are reporting that the White Sox have added Jeffrey Marquez from the Triple-A Charlotte Knights as bullpen depth in the wake of Jake Peavy's trip to the DL. No word yet on whether he's the league's first blind pitcher or just it's best Ray Charles impersonator.

The sweet spot

Admittedly a fantasy baseball novice, I submit that the best appointments for checking stats and scores fall on weeknights between 10 and 11PM. As the early games come to a close, the ever-sanguine fantasy manager can begin to draw conclusions about the day's results and settle in for Ed Farmer calling the first few innings of a West Coast nightcap...

Week 12 Progress Report

It's time to set Stephen Strasburg free. Especially when 15 more pitches could give NJTAS a comfortable lead in an otherwise tight contest over Quality Starts.

Let's try it this time without the fanfare, just the picture and a list. The unofficial Marauders of Time Power Rankings, based on the average overall rank of each team in all 12 scoring categories through Week 12:

1. BEASTS OF BURDEN
2. NJ Transit All-Stars
3. Hit by Pitch
4. béisbol
5. Waste Wildenstein
6. Impending Doom
7. Ladies Love Us
8. The Poppersteins
9. Stunna
10. Mendoza Manatees
11. The Wabash Mashers
12. PinYELLa
13. Hunters
14. Slippery Logicians

Notes: Somehow, béisbol is still climbing, but perhaps only on the strength of mid-week injuries to Impending Doom and Stunna. Chase Utley, Carl Crawford, and Jason Heyward all managed to get themselves into triage for at least a game, and Heyward probably should have been pulled a few days earlier. The injury bug didn't altogether miss the béisbol clubhouse, however: after giving manager Sam 3 dingers in a game at Colorado, Dustin Pedroia proceeded the very next day to foul a ball off his foot, and so stands to spend upwards of a month on the DL healing a broken bone. Though notoriously complacent, Sam has managed to find a trade partner and acquire the rights to a Rickey Henderson-lite type in Brewers 2B Rickie Weeks, but time will tell if a team already rattled by an injury to stud SS Troy Tulowitzki can brook the absence of another prominent middle infielder.

Other moves worth mentioning include the rise of Waste Wildenstein, whose recent performance seems to be backing up the team's record, as well as those of Ladies Love Us and the Poppersteins, who could be primed for climbs up the standings in the near future.

Rapid Reaction to Week 12

Now 36, Derek Jeter no longer has the patience to deal magnanimously with the neighborhood kids.

Week 12 has come and gone, and I have the weekly category ranks to show for it. I'm eager to post the average of each team's rank in all scored categories, mainly because the All-Stars have once again impressed. That, along with each team's record this week, follows:

1. (Avg. rank: 3.8) NJ Transit All-Stars

(11 - 1 - 0 v. Wabash Mashers)

2. (4.1) BEASTS OF BURDEN (9 - 1 - 2 v. Stunna)

3. (4.2) Hit by Pitch (10 - 2 - 0 v. Hunters)

4. (4.3) Waste Wildenstein (10 - 2 - 0 v. Impending Doom)

5. (5.7) The Poppersteins (7 - 5 - 0 v. Mendoza Manatees)

6. (5.9) PinYELLa (9 - 2 - 1 v. béisbol)

7. (7.5) Hunters (2 - 10 - 0 v. Hit by Pitch)

Mendoza Manatees (5 - 7 - 0 v. Poppersteins)

9. (7.7) Impending Doom (2 - 10 - 0 v. Waste Wildenstein)

10. (9.0) béisbol (2 - 9 - 1 v. PinYELLa)

Ladies Love Us (6 - 5 - 1 v. Slippery Logicians)

Stunna (1 - 9 - 2 v. BEASTS OF BURDEN)

13. (10.4) Slippery Logicians (5 - 6 - 1 v. Ladies Love Us)

14. (11.3) The Wabash Mashers (1 - 11 - 0 v. NJ Transit All-Stars)

And some bonus figures on the components. First, the average of each team's rank (out of 14) in the speed categories (Runs Scored and Stolen Bases):

1. (3.0) The Poppersteins (2 - 0 - 0)

2. (3.5) NJ Transit All-Stars (2 - 0 - 0)

BEASTS OF BURDEN (1 - 0 - 1)

4. (4.0) Hit by Pitch (2 - 0 - 0)

5. (5.5) Ladies Love Us (2 - 0 - 0)

6. (6.0) Stunna (1 - 0 - 1)

7. (7.5) Waste Wildenstein (1 - 1 - 0)

Hunters (0 - 2 - 0)

Mendoza Manatees (0 - 2 - 0)

béisbol (1 - 1 - 0)

11. (9.0) PinYELLa (1 - 1 - 0)

12. (9.5) The Wabash Mashers (0 - 2 - 0)

13. (11.0) Impending Doom (1 - 1 - 0)

14. (13.5) Slippery Logicians (0 - 2 - 0)

And power (Home Runs and Runs Batted In):

1. (1.0) Hit by Pitch (2 - 0 - 0)

2. (2.0) Waste Wildenstein (2 - 0 - 0)

3. (2.5) NJ Transit All-Stars (2 - 0 - 0)

4. (4.5) Hunters (0 - 2 - 0)

5. (5.5) BEASTS OF BURDEN (1 - 0 - 1)

6. (6.0) Mendoza Manatees (1 - 1 - 0)

7. (7.0) PinYELLa (1 - 1 - 0)

8. (7.5) Stunna (0 - 1 - 1)

Slippery Logicians (2 - 0 - 0)

10. (8.0) The Poppersteins (1 - 1 - 0)

béisbol (1 - 1 - 0)

12. (10.0) Impending Doom (0 - 2 - 0)

13. (11.5) Ladies Love Us (2 - 0 - 0)

14. (14.0) The Wabash Mashers (0 - 2 - 0)

And finally, the pitching staffs:

1. (3.2) BEASTS OF BURDEN (5 - 1 - 0)

2. (4.3) NJ Transit All-Stars (5 - 1 - 0)

The Poppersteins (4 - 2 - 0)

4. (4.5) Waste Wildenstein (5 - 1 - 0)

5. (5.0) PinYELLa (5 - 0 - 1)

6. (6.0) Impending Doom (1 - 5 - 0)

7. (6.3) Hit by Pitch (4 - 2 - 0)

8. (8.2) Hunters (2 - 4 - 0)

9. (9.0) Mendoza Manatees (2 - 4 - 0)

10. (9.2) Slippery Logicians (3 - 2 - 1)

béisbol (0 - 5 - 1)

12. (9.3) Stunna (1 - 5 - 0)

13. (10.2) Ladies Love Us (2 - 3 - 1)

14. (10.5) The Wabash Mashers (1 - 5 - 0)

More to come with the Progress Report later this week, but first impressions are that Ladies Love Us, after what seemed like a run of bad luck, finally turned in a performance that really seemed to merit a spot at the bottom of the Intergalactic Destroyers division; Stunna just happened to play one of the few teams in Hit by Pitch against whom mediocre speed and pitching and above average power could only net 2 wins; and Waste Wildenstein seems to have played Impending Doom at just the right time to pull 10 wins from what should have been a deadlocked clash of titans.

Best of luck to all in Week 13.