Marauders of Time

New Addition

2010-07-28T16:02:00.006-05:00

Welcome to the clubhouse, Jose. That's your locker next to Buster's. Batting Practice at 4:30. See you in the dugout...

Jose Tabata was under the impression that, by marrying a woman 20 years his senior, he could bypass the years of twenty-something drama...

2010-07-21T17:10:00.002-05:00

Wife of Pirates Outfielder Could Face Life in Prison for Kidnapping -- MLB FanHouse

Behind Razor Shines, Aaron Boone, the senior Griffey, Pedro Alvarez, and maybe Roger Maris...Jose Tabata is hands-down my favorite former Indianapolis Indian.

UPDATE: Answer to the question "Who is Jose Tabata?" becomes ever murkier: can we even be sure of his age?

As host, Torii has graciously offered to put on a pre-game backyard pig roast and cocktail hour...

2010-07-12T05:00:00.001-05:00

Not Quite Jim Abbott

2010-07-08T19:16:00.003-05:00

Sources are reporting that the White Sox have added Jeffrey Marquez from the Triple-A Charlotte Knights as bullpen depth in the wake of Jake Peavy's trip to the DL. No word yet on whether he's the league's first blind pitcher or just it's best Ray Charles impersonator.

The sweet spot

2010-07-07T22:36:00.002-05:00

Admittedly a fantasy baseball novice, I submit that the best appointments for checking stats and scores fall on weeknights between 10 and 11PM. As the early games come to a close, the ever-sanguine fantasy manager can begin to draw conclusions about the day's results and settle in for Ed Farmer calling the first few innings of a West Coast nightcap...

Week 12 Progress Report

2010-07-03T21:01:00.007-05:00

It's time to set Stephen Strasburg free. Especially when 15 more pitches could give NJTAS a comfortable lead in an otherwise tight contest over Quality Starts.

Let's try it this time without the fanfare, just the picture and a list. The unofficial Marauders of Time Power Rankings, based on the average overall rank of each team in all 12 scoring categories through Week 12:

BEASTS OF BURDEN
NJ Transit All-Stars
Hit by Pitch
béisbol
Waste Wildenstein
Impending Doom
Ladies Love Us
The Poppersteins
Stunna
Mendoza Manatees
The Wabash Mashers
PinYELLa
Hunters
Slippery Logicians

Notes: Somehow, béisbol is still climbing, but perhaps only on the strength of mid-week injuries to Impending Doom and Stunna. Chase Utley, Carl Crawford, and Jason Heyward all managed to get themselves into triage for at least a game, and Heyward probably should have been pulled a few days earlier. The injury bug didn't altogether miss the béisbol clubhouse, however: after giving manager Sam 3 dingers in a game at Colorado, Dustin Pedroia proceeded the very next day to foul a ball off his foot, and so stands to spend upwards of a month on the DL healing a broken bone. Though notoriously complacent, Sam has managed to find a trade partner and acquire the rights to a Rickey Henderson-lite type in Brewers 2B Rickie Weeks, but time will tell if a team already rattled by an injury to stud SS Troy Tulowitzki can brook the absence of another prominent middle infielder.

Other moves worth mentioning include the rise of Waste Wildenstein, whose recent performance seems to be backing up the team's record, as well as those of Ladies Love Us and the Poppersteins, who could be primed for climbs up the standings in the near future.

Rapid Reaction to Week 12

2010-06-29T21:00:00.002-05:00

Now 36, Derek Jeter no longer has the patience to deal magnanimously with the neighborhood kids.

Week 12 has come and gone, and I have the weekly category ranks to show for it. I'm eager to post the average of each team's rank in all scored categories, mainly because the All-Stars have once again impressed. That, along with each team's record this week, follows:

1. (Avg. rank: 3.8) NJ Transit All-Stars
(11 - 1 - 0 v. Wabash Mashers)

2. (4.1) BEASTS OF BURDEN (9 - 1 - 2 v. Stunna)

3. (4.2) Hit by Pitch (10 - 2 - 0 v. Hunters)

4. (4.3) Waste Wildenstein (10 - 2 - 0 v. Impending Doom)

5. (5.7) The Poppersteins (7 - 5 - 0 v. Mendoza Manatees)

6. (5.9) PinYELLa (9 - 2 - 1 v. béisbol)

7. (7.5) Hunters (2 - 10 - 0 v. Hit by Pitch)
Mendoza Manatees (5 - 7 - 0 v. Poppersteins)

9. (7.7) Impending Doom (2 - 10 - 0 v. Waste Wildenstein)

10. (9.0) béisbol (2 - 9 - 1 v. PinYELLa)
Ladies Love Us (6 - 5 - 1 v. Slippery Logicians)
Stunna (1 - 9 - 2 v. BEASTS OF BURDEN)

13. (10.4) Slippery Logicians (5 - 6 - 1 v. Ladies Love Us)

14. (11.3) The Wabash Mashers (1 - 11 - 0 v. NJ Transit All-Stars)

And some bonus figures on the components. First, the average of each team's rank (out of 14) in the speed categories (Runs Scored and Stolen Bases):

1. (3.0) The Poppersteins (2 - 0 - 0)

2. (3.5) NJ Transit All-Stars (2 - 0 - 0)
BEASTS OF BURDEN (1 - 0 - 1)

4. (4.0) Hit by Pitch (2 - 0 - 0)

5. (5.5) Ladies Love Us (2 - 0 - 0)

6. (6.0) Stunna (1 - 0 - 1)

7. (7.5) Waste Wildenstein (1 - 1 - 0)
Hunters (0 - 2 - 0)
Mendoza Manatees (0 - 2 - 0)
béisbol (1 - 1 - 0)

11. (9.0) PinYELLa (1 - 1 - 0)

12. (9.5) The Wabash Mashers (0 - 2 - 0)

13. (11.0) Impending Doom (1 - 1 - 0)

14. (13.5) Slippery Logicians (0 - 2 - 0)

And power (Home Runs and Runs Batted In):

1. (1.0) Hit by Pitch (2 - 0 - 0)

2. (2.0) Waste Wildenstein (2 - 0 - 0)

3. (2.5) NJ Transit All-Stars (2 - 0 - 0)

4. (4.5) Hunters (0 - 2 - 0)

5. (5.5) BEASTS OF BURDEN (1 - 0 - 1)

6. (6.0) Mendoza Manatees (1 - 1 - 0)

7. (7.0) PinYELLa (1 - 1 - 0)

8. (7.5) Stunna (0 - 1 - 1)
Slippery Logicians (2 - 0 - 0)

10. (8.0) The Poppersteins (1 - 1 - 0)
béisbol (1 - 1 - 0)

12. (10.0) Impending Doom (0 - 2 - 0)

13. (11.5) Ladies Love Us (2 - 0 - 0)

14. (14.0) The Wabash Mashers (0 - 2 - 0)

And finally, the pitching staffs:

1. (3.2) BEASTS OF BURDEN (5 - 1 - 0)

2. (4.3) NJ Transit All-Stars (5 - 1 - 0)
The Poppersteins (4 - 2 - 0)

4. (4.5) Waste Wildenstein (5 - 1 - 0)

5. (5.0) PinYELLa (5 - 0 - 1)

6. (6.0) Impending Doom (1 - 5 - 0)

7. (6.3) Hit by Pitch (4 - 2 - 0)

8. (8.2) Hunters (2 - 4 - 0)

9. (9.0) Mendoza Manatees (2 - 4 - 0)

10. (9.2) Slippery Logicians (3 - 2 - 1)
béisbol (0 - 5 - 1)

12. (9.3) Stunna (1 - 5 - 0)

13. (10.2) Ladies Love Us (2 - 3 - 1)

14. (10.5) The Wabash Mashers (1 - 5 - 0)

More to come with the Progress Report later this week, but first impressions are that Ladies Love Us, after what seemed like a run of bad luck, finally turned in a performance that really seemed to merit a spot at the bottom of the Intergalactic Destroyers division; Stunna just happened to play one of the few teams in Hit by Pitch against whom mediocre speed and pitching and above average power could only net 2 wins; and Waste Wildenstein seems to have played Impending Doom at just the right time to pull 10 wins from what should have been a deadlocked clash of titans.

Best of luck to all in Week 13.

Mid-Season Progress Report

2010-06-25T05:00:00.003-05:00

The mid-point of the inaugural season for the New Jersey Transit All-Stars sees them sporting, for the first time in their history, a record worthy of a playoff spot. 11 weeks of frequent and only ostensibly aimless roster manipulation have led the All-Stars into the teeth of the playoff race. However, extraordinary parity among the Intergalactic Destroyers to this point suggests that any self-satisfaction on the part of the division's current leaders ill-suits the jostling for position sure to continue through the season's second half.

The same cannot so easily be said about the race for a playoff spot in the much less fluid Defenders of the Stars division. After quick starts propelled Impending Doom, béisbol and the Beasts of Burden to the front of the pack, shuffling at the top has failed to keep numbers one through three from building more than 20-game leads on the rest of the division. Though 20 games is all that separates the first and last of the somewhat democratic Destroyers, unorthodox managerial decisions on the part of the Slippery Logicians and a failure to gain much traction on the part of the other three teams currently looking from the outside in on the playoff picture has created a rather rigid caste system. It remains unclear whether any team among the three forming the Defenders' version of a petty bourgeois--The Poppersteins, PinYELLa, and Hunters--has the ingenuity, determination, and free time otherwise occupied by more rewarding social experiences necessary to challenge the hegemony at the top.

There is, however, hope. At least one of the division's three topmost seems ripe for the picking. Though revered baseball minds Mordecai and Shaun are clearly still at work putting together a championship-caliber rosters for Impending Doom and Beasts of Burden, respectively, noted BoDeans enthusiast and small-market football team fan Sam McMyler has yet to take even a sniff at the free agent pool. One can only assume a similar indifference from Sam toward the trade market, which begs the question how he expects to arrive at September with a shot at an all-important championship. Now 18 games ahead of Kei and her Poppersteins, béisbol has ridden a closer-heavy pitching staff and 4th-round wunderkind Ubaldo Jiménez to a league-leading 9.45 K/9, 1.91 ERA, 1.03 WHIP and 63 Saves. However, a weekly pitching volume more than 10 innings below league average, the unlikelihood that Jiménez maintains a 30-win pace through the season's next eleven weeks, and the ever more easily distinguished gap between legitimate and untrustworthy candidates for the other pitching staffs among the Marauders of Time would seem to seriously limit béisbol's ability to compete in more than 3 pitching categories per week from here forward. This team is still in position to gain an even tighter grip on the saves market, should the White Sox revert to their form of one month ago and trade away Bobby Jenks. Without more starting pitching, however, béisbol will find it very difficult to capitalize on Matt Thornton's potential move to the closer's role, and even Mariano Rivera's talents are taxed when asked to do more than rake in saves.

Offensively, béisbol sits above average in the power categories alone, and if not for the spectacular production of final-round draft pick Chris Young and 14th-rounder Alex Ríos could be dwelling among the pretenders of the Defenders rather than the contenders. Offensive production in the short term will only decline as a result of SS Troy Tulowitzski's broken wrist, though it's too early to predict a decline of the battery equal to that we should expect of béisbol's pitching staff. Aramis Ramirez remains a second-half sleeper and Carlos Peña is only getting closer to the incentive of real-life MLB free agency. Yet, just as is the case for the pitching categories, stiffening competition and a roster able to compete regularly for only half the weekly points will not present much of a challenge in the playoffs, if the team can indeed make it that far.

With this, I present a ranking of ranks. The unofficial Marauders of Time Power Rankings are simply the average of the average weekly ranks of each team in all scored categories:

BEASTS OF BURDEN
NJ Transit All-Stars
Hit by Pitch
Stunna
Impending Doom
béisbol
The Wabash Mashers
Mendoza Manatees
Waste Wildenstein
Ladies Love Us
The Poppersteins
PinYELLa
Hunters
Slippery Logicians

Notes: The biggest discrepancy between average weekly rank in all categories and actual record is that of Waste Wildenstein. Like béisbol and Ladies Love Us, Waste Wildenstein is exceptionally consistent in the power categories. However, the return on investment in power is exceptionally fickle, for though béisbol has a record of 8-3 in total home runs, WW rests only a half game above .500 and LLU, meanwhile, a half game below in the same category. In contrast, the Beasts of Burden maintain one of the lowest scores for consistent power production and yet have managed the third-best record in this category in the league. In HR's and RBI's seems to lie the greatest gap between the totals a team puts up relative to the rest of the league and the wins and losses that correlate to those totals.

That argument, though perhaps explaining a worse-than-expected record for Ladies Love Us and a better-than-expected record for béisbol, fails to address the success of Waste Wildenstein to date. In fact, on that argument Waste Wildenstein should be much better in the second half, provided outliers regress to the mean. The unfounded part of WW's success are the wins and losses the team has gained in volume pitching stats. Mediocre strikeout and quality start numbers have somehow resulted in league-leading records in these categories, and unless the luck holds for another 11 weeks, it's unlikely opponents will fail to take more than they lose against the league's current overall leader.

Good luck to all the managers in what's left of Week 12.

UPDATE: This week's team in focus, béisbol, suffers another setback: Dustin Pedroia goes on the 15-Day DL with a broken bone in his foot. For the Poppersteins, PinYELLa, and Hunters to make up some ground the time is now...

this just in

2010-04-29T21:27:00.003-05:00

You ever pour yourself a glass of what you think is milk and then it turns out you poured yourself orange juice instead? That's what I feel like when Yahoo! overhauls player profile photos:

Week 1

2010-04-12T23:29:00.016-05:00

PLAYERS OF THE WEEK

After the first week of matchups, not surprisingly, Stunna is ranked first in the "Intergalatic Destroyers" division. Surprisingly, Impending Doom is running the "Defenders of the Stars" division. Nice start, boys.

In real life, NL and AL players of the week were announced. The NL crown goes to Roy Halladay, owned by Ladies Love Us. I'm up against Jenni this week, and I'm getting my nightvision goggles out. This man (demi-god?) is LIGHTS OUT BITCHES!!!!111

And the AL title went to Miguel Cabrera, who has had a solid start, trying his best not to waste at-bats, especially in desperate times. Who can poke at the mighty arm of Cy Younger Zack Greinke? Why only THE LORD MIGGY!!!!11

There's no honorary mention in reality, but in fantasy, I've created one this week just for team béisbol. Not only is the team name profoundly epic and deeply influential, but he owns Jorge Cantú, RBI ROYALTY.

(Sorry, no crown. Maybe more like aristocracy, but that doesn't alliterate.)

Cantú has said that he wants to have 100RBI this season. So I was thinking, AN RBI A DAY! But after his stellar performance this week, it's more like AN RBI A DAY! OR 2 OR 5! Keep up the fine work, Jorgie and béisbol! Let's hope some idiot pitcher doesn't smashy his wrist this year after a solid start to the season like last year. Looking back..haha I didn't even have Jorgie in my lineup that week of 14RBI beasting last year. (Sidenote after looking at that post again: Joe, if you have some spare time from eBay labor, I'd like to request beasting reports from time to time, whatever catches your eye.)

In the near future, you will see an updated banner for this blog. A zygotic vision is beginning to develop. Once it is more or less fully developed, I will neglect some important paper and spend my time on Photoshop instead with the banner so that we will have something functional and relevant up for May. If you have any suggestions of what to add or omit, please let me know.

Profile Pictures

2010-04-08T05:36:00.003-05:00

I finally got around to looking at baseball box scores a few hours ago, and something I saw struck my attention.

These two guys were the 'top batters' for their respective teams.

Which reminded me of this:

Last year after Pudge left the Yankees to sign with the Astros, this became his profile picture sometime in the first month or two of the year. It was the first time I had seen the slightly zoomed out camera angle that I think makes the players look malnourished. Actually I can't think of any player picture with that view since Pudge, until this year's new photos came out. So I looked at the box scores of every game played yesterday and looked for new pictures, and here's what I got:

Johnny Damon

Vladimir Guerrero

Miguel Tejada

Adrian Beltre

Rick Ankiel

Milton Bradley

Juan Pierre

Victor Martinez

Marlon Byrd

Jake Peavy

Marco Scutaro

Chone Figgins

Hideki Matsui

Jason Bay

Rich Harden

Adam Laroche

Alex Rios

Matt Holliday

Curtis Granderson

Nate Mclouth

Jeff Francouer

Melky Cabrera

At first I thought the zoomed out view made everyone look younger, but it seems to be more when they don't fill the frame vertically.
One thing I'm wondering is why it seems like everyone's jerseys are hanging a little to the left as evidenced by the amount of undershirt you can see.
Another odd thing-no new pictures for any pitchers.
Part of me prefers the old-frame filling photos, but those photos of the Mets and Melky Cabrera I would keep in my wallet if I were related to them. That's some Van Gogh School Photographers poses right there.

Letters

2010-03-28T21:13:00.004-05:00

Dear Felix,

Please accept my apologies for only drafting you in three out of four fantasy leagues. I'm sorry I doubted you for a second, and that I was momentarily drawn by the high ranking status of Roy Halladay. I should have stuck with The Plan, which was the one-two Venezuelan punch of drafting Miggy and then you. I will make sure to appreciate you in my other three leagues. I will also work on expanding my King Felix baseball card collection.

Have a good season!!!

Love forever and ever,
Kei

DRAFT DAY

2010-03-14T22:03:00.002-05:00

He looks so happy and so young in the face!

On Saturday night, I was planning out my "IDEAL TEAM: THE POPPERSTEINS," but I was also preparing for a backup plan, known as "NON-IDEAL TEAM: THE LITTLE OMARS." I was trying to prepare myself for the worst: last pick, no Miguel Cabrera. Thirty minutes before the draft, I found out I was--oh, indeed--LAST PICK. I panicked, thinking that there was no way I'd get the LORD MIGGY, whose overall rank by Yahoo was 11. I was prepared to go with plan B and select players to whom I had no particular attachments but also knew were good people to have, so that I could terrorize the entire league with them. I was envisioning being the MoT version of Omar Little from "The Wire."

But by the grace of fantasy baseball gods, I ended up with the LORD MIGGY! First of all, Ryan Howard was totally unloved and neglected in the first round. And then there was magic. I must personally thank both Slippery Logicians and Waste Wildenstein. I owe these managers a cookie or two. Slippery Logicians made sure to secure MIKE LOWELL, for familial reasons, and Waste Wildenstein locked in ace pitchery in the form of TIM LINCECUM. As our favorite Steak 'N Shake waiter says, "Gooood choiiiice, gooood choiiiice..." With these moves, I was able to select Miggy. I had to pick again immediately after because of the snaking order, so I was able to get my ideal second pick, KING FELIX HERNANDEZ. The rest of my team is a strange mashup of Tigers, Rockies, and Marlins players, with an estranged person here and there.

The draft took three hours to complete and I am exhausted. Unfortunately, I have to deal with this thing called "reality," but I'll be back soon with a collage of my team.

My First Fantasy Baseball Team: Lessons Learned #1

2010-03-10T19:44:00.003-06:00

The "Chone" in Chone Figgins's name does not rhyme with "cone."

Absentee

2010-03-08T20:35:00.003-06:00

BASEBALL IS UPON US

2010-03-03T15:12:00.002-06:00

"Chicago Cubs pitching instructor Mike Mason sniffs a broken bat hit back to the pitching mound during workouts at the team's spring training baseball facility Tuesday, March 2, 2010, in Mesa, Ariz." Is this a Post-Sosa thing; is this how you see if there's cork in a bat?

Hello everyone! It's March, and at least in Chicago, the snow is melting and there's a weekend of 40 degree weather on its way. The internet is abuzzing and atweeting about baseball, spring training, and baseball cards. I think it's safe to say that spring is on its way.

The Marauders of Time draft is scheduled for Sunday, March 7, 3:00PM CST. If you don't have a draft plan, there are a variety of places to do some draft research. MLB.com has a list, complete with photos. I have no idea who these people are, but I found them on Yahoo's main baseball site, so here are some other rankings. Rotoworld is another possible resource and somehow CBS has a fantasy site. I don't really know much about these sites, but there they are. Anyway, drafts are the best part of fantasy, so don't miss it LIVE!

EDIT: The draft is no longer this Sunday, March 7, but the following Sunday, March 14, at 3:00 PM CST. MARK YOUR CALENDARS!

See You At The Draft(s)

2009-11-05T01:03:00.001-06:00

The countdown 'til Fantasy Baseball 2010 begins.

Superlative Awards

2009-10-05T01:35:00.002-05:00

The 2009 Marauders of Time Champions are The Poppersteins, who under manager Kei triumphed in a close and heated battle with Joe's CHUTLEY. Congratulations to our 2 all-star managers. Thank you to everyone for participating. Next year should be at least as exciting as our collective competency will be heightened.

Now for Managerial Superlatives:
Rookie of the Year: Kei (The Poppersteins)
Most Improved (through semi-legal self-correcting statistical probability databases): Joe (CHUTLEY)
Most Passionate: Jenni (Ladies Love Us)
Most Suprisingly Beastliest: Nar (Hit by Pitch)
Most Paternally Distracted: Ed (Vaggie Burgers)
Most Enslaved by Evil AI: Andy (Arbitup)
Most Metsiest: Mordecai (Impending Doom)
Most Invisible: Nate (The Zone)

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2009-09-12T16:32:00.001-05:00

IS THIS GOING TO TURN INTO A FOOTBALL BLOG?

David & Goliath

2009-08-11T23:32:00.006-05:00

It all really started yesterday when Brandon Inge and Miguel Cabrera were hit by Boston pitches, and when Edwin Jackson hit Youkilis. But today's "oh HELL naw" started with this 23 year old kid, Junichi Tazawa, when he hit Miggy in the hand and bruised him day-to-day. OMG MIGGY.

I wonder what Tazawa's intentions were, or if he was instructed to hit Miggy. This kid looks familiar, but I may be completely making things up. In any case, Tazawa seems to hail from Yokohama, so I can't totally hate on that. If he's known to hang around Isezaki-cho, then I can see why he'd try to hit someone to protect Youkilis Sempai. But that's not gonna go without consequences. The Tigers have a young lion with the spirit of SIMBA, RICK PORCELLO. I call him "Ricky P."

This is just sick to look at. Youkilis' face should be pixelated, like when people don't want the world to know what they look like, or when someone swears and a TV network blurs their mouth so the children can't read lips, except all over his nasty face. WTH, is Youkilis 12 years old or so?

Anyway, Porcello wins.

Porcello looks good angry with that Slam Dunk-esque hair. I like how Papa Leyland is taking him home.

PLACIDO POLANCO CAN ONLY HIT WITH PEOPLE ON BASE! Curtis Granderson had brought whoever was on base before him with a homerun, so bases were empty when Polanco went up to bat. Tigers lose, 5-7. But today, I share some of my infinite baseball love for Miggy with Ricky P. Baseball love, Tigers love, brotherly love, LOVE IS ALL!

AVAILABLE

2009-07-16T09:11:00.002-05:00

Look at that beautiful coiffure.

2009-07-06T01:12:00.004-05:00

I was really inspired by this Woman's World headline. Unfortunately it proved not to be as prophetic as I had hoped. However, I promise you my fellow managers and friends, Fantasy Week 14 will end with me victoriously proclaiming this motto from my 7th place perch.

At Bat: Undefined

2009-06-26T18:34:00.002-05:00

I don't know why I think it's so funny when StatTracker lists players as "Undefined." That said, I really enjoy the mental image of Harang and Sowers pitching on an empty field.

Girls in Baseball

2009-06-26T15:37:00.002-05:00

You don't see very many girls in baseball. Here are some I caught a month or so ago. I forgot I had this photo saved on a different computer. Enjoy.

FLORIDA MARLINS' MERMAID GIRLS

Photos of the Day, 6/25/09

2009-06-26T15:24:00.003-05:00

Carlos Silva "plants a kiss" on Ichiro's cheek.

Jose Valverde is back!

Reverse Samson! Magglio hit a HR last night. I think he feels refreshed.

Why does Manny look like a Sk8r Boi? Why is his belly protruding?

Hair Photos of the Day

2009-06-25T01:21:00.007-05:00

I read this afternoon before games started that Magglio Ordonez got his hair cut, and eagerly awaited photos on Yahoo!'s gallery. They did not disappoint. He looks like a young boy! He's on first base here, right? Is this the Reverse Samson Effect?

And then I noticed that someone else was missing signature locks: Vladimir Guerrero!

I'm calling it now, as unlikely as it is: the next player to cut his hair is MANNY. It'll be his way of saying sorry, breaking up, and moving on. I hear that when girls in Japan cut their hair and thus drastically change their image, it's a symbolic way of having broken up with someone and marching on into the future.

Perhaps then, all those stupid Mannywood wigs will go away.

UNRELATED PHOTO OF THE DAY:

"I GOT IT! I GET TO EAT IT. I'M GONNA EAT IT."

Photos of the Day, 6/23/09

2009-06-23T22:53:00.010-05:00

I've been busy with a variety of things this past week or so, but thankfully the iPhone has kept me up to date. Also, the hotel in Pennsylvania had the MLB Network, in addition to the inferior ESPN.

More interleague this week, and some noteworthy photos popping up.

I think this photo was taken before Lincecum gave up a HR to professional shithole Jason Giambi.

David Price seemed to have had some issues in the first inning. Here is CHUTEY's Price giving up a HR to CHUTLEY's Utley, who is fuzzily rounding the bases in the background.

Impending Doom has some issues themselves, but here is their Rios stealing third.

Inge is perhaps tired of being surprised at himself doing so well despite not being a big star for the Tigers. Here he is falling asleep after hitting his HR, and it looks like a child scrawled something on his forearm with eyeliner or that eye smudge stuff. tOMA?

Hit By Pitch's Hanley hits a grand slam against the Orioles, or more accurately/importantly, against Impending Doom.

Grady comes back from the DL, here he is anxious to hit a triple for Ladies Love Us. Welcome back, Grady!

Jorge Cantu hits the game winning single, scoring Emilio Bonifacio. I've seen video of Jorge celebrating a walk-off something or other, and there he ended up celebrating awkwardly too.

Some other gems from the past couple of days:

Emilio Navarro throws the ceremonial first pitch...the caption said he played in the Negro Leagues and is 103 years old. I can't get over this.

There were so many Getty Image photos of Pujols from yesterday's game with the Mets. Every single hair on his face is in place, it's amazing. Click on the image for full size.

Davonte Kelly throws the ceremonial first pitch today at CitiField. Apparently he was hit by a stray bullet in Brooklyn while taking a picture for his baseball team some time ago. That's some crazy talk.

Ozzie must think the umpire speaks crazy talk too, here he is tossing the lineup card after getting ejected from the game today against the Dodgers.

asfkjasfkajweo;f ijeflaksjzdf

2009-06-16T20:06:00.007-05:00

OMG I am in such a foul mood. The weather here in Chicago is horrible. It's not so much the rain itself (temperatures are not too low) but the commuting, unsuccessful shopping, and being quasi-stranded in it that make me angry. And here I was thinking that there is nothing worse than unsuccessful shopping in the rain, but no! I check scores and see that Justin Verlander gives up four runs in the first inning against the P.O.S. Cardinals. Could there be something worse than that? Oh yes. INTENTIONALLY WALKING ALBERT PUJOLS NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE. I'm mad because Verlander didn't wimp out against Jim Thome last week, not that the White Sox had any lead nor is Albert Pujols the same entity as Jim Thome. I was led to believe that Verlander is THE TRUTH (nickname by Rod Allen, who for unknown reasons I started following on Twitter), but shit, I saw FALLACIES when I last checked the box score.

I refuse to check any more box scores today, though maybe I'll check things at midnight. I like Joe's method from back in May where he would close Stat Tracker in disgust and fall asleep, and then would wake up to great things for his team.

...But you know I still love Justin.

47477474

2009-06-12T20:56:00.002-05:00

If Stat Tracker ever reads 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7, Yahoo! Fantasy Sports should give us each a million dollars.

Photos of the Day: 6/10/09

2009-06-11T00:02:00.003-05:00

Raul Ibanez was like, dancing in the dugout when Chase Utley hit his HR. Here, they go "BELLISTIC" for Nar and Joe, fine graduates of Bell Elementary School.

Edwin Jackson: "I hope I can pitch as good as you tomorrow!"
Justin Verlander: "Yeah."

It worries me that many baseball players take care of their eyebrows better than I take care of mine. I fear David Wright is getting a little pluck happy, but maybe it's just the angle.

I like to see Big Papi happy.

Dustin Pedroia: "So, the last time we owned you was what, 1912? I'm getting excited just thinking about it, man."
Derek Jeter: "Shut up, you're such a twat."
But we all know in reality, Jeter would be more diplomatic about it, like "Stop being immature, young man."

Do all Japanese baseball players look like anime characters? Ichiro got hit by a pitch here, but it's more like the post-hit-by-pitch so I'm going to post it even though the hit-by-pitch-photos are technically reserved for Nar. (BTW, are there any pictures of Scott Baker getting hit by Pujols' bat?)

Hank Blalock of the Rangers enjoys his time off during the rain delay. Here are some other photos that show how bad the rain was.

Carlos Beltran cannot make the catch. Mordecai said this picture reminds him of this. I'm not sure I understand, but he's the commisioner, so let's just nod and smile.

DET@CWS 6/9/09

2009-06-10T16:12:00.010-05:00

Yesterday Mordecai and I took my cousin to the Tigers vs. White Sox game. Dontrelle Willis and Mark Buehrle pitched. Miguel Cabrera was playing 1B even though he has a slightly injured hamstring. In my head, I was rooting in twenty million directions. Ideally, I'd go the Jarrett Route and "transcend team loyalties," cheering for baseball more broadly, but no, I am still entangled in fantasy-reality-personal biases. I wanted Dontrelle to pitch well so he can preserve his spot in the Tigers rotation (Bonderwho?), but I also needed Alexei Ramirez, Jermaine Dye, Curtis Granderson, and Cabrera to hit to raise my average for fantasy. I wanted Rodney to not blow his save because he somehow looks like a gummy bear to me, but it was also nice to see Paul Konerko get some shit done tying the game. I'm not sure I've seen Mordecai get out of his seat to cheer for someone or something. I think he was fueled by both fantasy and reality concerns, but maybe more fantasy than he's willing to admit out loud. No one, not even the Tigers fans around us who stayed until the end of the game, cheered for Miggy's game winning homer. I think everyone wanted to go home because it was cold. From our seats, it looked like the ump was giving some bogus calls so he could go home too.

Here are some photo highlights from last night, possibly reflecting my various interests.

Dontrelle is a big man. Does he have a fan club? Can I be president?

Cabrera was wandering around with a bat in the dugout, until someone took it away from him. Then he looked like he wanted to dive forward, or do some gymnastics.

JIMMY GOBBLE! I wish I remembered his entrance music. Octavio Dotel, who requested and received a hug from President Obama at the White House, enters with Wisin & Yandel's "Ahora Es," whose chorus lyrics I tried but failed to learn.

Here's a picture of the little conversation that Laird and Pierzynski had and the drama that followed. Notice Buerhle smiling on the left, Jermaine Dye's shiny head, Beckham failing to have any substantial reason to be there except to witness his first exciting "incident" in the majors, and possibly Rick Porcello on the right somewhere in a hooded sweatshirt. IMO, Inge and Thome look like the biggest diplomats in this scene.

Here are Alexei (pronounced Al-eh-say and not Aleksei?) and Miggy in the bottom of the 9th. They look annoyed to be near each other. DON'T YOU GUYS KNOW YOU'RE TEAMMATES ON THE POPPERSTEINS? I almost typed Poopersteins.

Tonight Justin Verlander and John Danks are pitching. Mordecai pointed out that Danks looks like Popeye. Jenni and I agreed that Justin is good-looking. Hmm. Will I have to go to a bar to see this game tonight? Will I enjoy it or will it be torture?

Photos of the Day, 6/9/09

2009-06-10T00:11:00.003-05:00

Let's get the nasty out of the way.

A.J. Burnett kicks over a water cooler after being pulled from the game. I saw Jenni's frustration tweet but damn, I didn't know he was pulled so early and that it was what looks like pouring. That sucks.

The ugliest man in MOT, American, and Major Leagues. Congratulations on your Triple Crown, Youkilis.

Dontrelle didn't get destroyed, but it wasn't easy to watch him pitch either. Here he tries to tag Scotty Potty out, but fails. I can't bring myself to post the photo of him on the ground desperately throwing the ball to Miggy to get the last out.

Now onto the borderline nasty-acceptable photos.

Yunel Escobar joined Impending Doom recently, and has been contributing pretty decently. I heard his hair was frosted, but holy shit, this is some bullcookie straight from the 90's.

Rafael Furcal steals a base for arbitup. No one steals a base for the Poppersteins. GRRR.

Saving the best for last:

A beautiful portrait of Adrien Gonzalez (click for full Getty Image size). I imagine Joe rubbing his belly in delight at the sight of this photo.

Grandy hugs Miggy for game-winning home run. Which I happily witnessed!

"For the hell of it" Photo of the Day: Joe Torre is The Man on the west coast (click for full Getty Image size)!

Photos of Yesterday, 6/8/09

2009-06-09T23:55:00.006-05:00

Ladies Love Us vs. CHUTLEY matchup captured in a photo.

Ian Kinsler needs some backup in reality and in fantasy for Impending Doom--he is ice cold.

PAULIE SAVES THE DAY FOR IMPENDING DOOM
(By the way, congrats to Impending Doom for having a strong start in his first couple of days. I don't know how aware people are, but this is truly a rare moment for our league.)

Troy Tulowitzki always looks like he's crying, even as he trots home from his solo HR. Does he not want to be on the Zone?

Andy Sonnanstine pouts after giving up a home run to Mark Teixeira.

Miggy doesn't like the call.

For the hell of it: Jim Leyland. He's THE MAN! He will put his hands down his pants in public if he wishes!

Photos of Week 9

2009-06-08T22:48:00.011-05:00

This blog must live, as we have recently gained one non-league reader (Hi Adam!). Here are the Highlights of Week 9. There are many days missing not because I didn't save photos, but because Yahoo had a little brain fart and didn't have any photos for a while after Randy Johnson's 300th win.

June 1, 2009: Orlando Hudson holds Stephen Drew back. What's going on here? Is this permitted? I like Orlando Hudson after hearing that he pats the home plate umpire on the back and the catcher on the head when he goes up to bat. That latter move seems ambivalent in meaning--amicable, or condescending?

June 1, 2009: Hiroki Kuroda's face looks like Japanese animation here. The sweat is a perfect touch.

June 1, 2009: Jenni's friend's friend, Jeremy Sowers, pitches against the Yankees. I still can't believe baseball players are real people that one can be friends with.

June 1, 2009: Adrian Gonzalez has some words with an umpire after getting on base. It looks like A-Gon's telling the ump to suck it because he leads the league in home runs.

June 1, 2009: Dancing With the Stars and Olympic Champion Shawn Johnson throws the ceremonial first pitch at Dodgers stadium. This is an excellent "Bartolo Colon Face"! It's even kind of endearing, in a hamster-ly way. But lawdhamussy, look at those SANDALS! They're like, from my 1996-7 closet!

June 3, 2009: Brandon Phillips congratulates himself for stealing a base. He's proud to steal a base (a rather rare event) for the Poppersteins.

June 3, 2009: Koyie Hill breaks up a double play! Or did he? Can't find the original caption, so we'll just say he excelled here.

June 6, 2009: I thought this actor, Eric Martsolf, would be a Will Ferrell's-co-star kind of guy with this pose, but he apparently sang the national anthem this day, so maybe not. I have no idea who he is and don't care to look him up. But this is a good pose to bust out at Dodgertown.

June 6, 2009: "Television personality" Lauren Conrad throws the ceremonial first pitch at a Dodgers game. She got a personalized jersey! She looks serious here and avoided the Bartolo Colon face that plagued Shawn Johnson's pitch mug.

June 7, 2009: Ricky Nolasco tags Kung Fu Panda for a crotchout. I didn't know Kung Fu Panda was Pablo Sandoval's nickname. I like him even more now!

June 7, 2009: S.S. Choo looks like he should be a member of Rip Slyme. But then I noticed his thumbnail. GROSS! Is someone going to pick him up yet?

June 7, 2009: Pitcher Chris Jakubauskas wears a princess backpack. What's this tradition?

June 7, 2009: The insects seem to like Joba. Here, Joba defends himself by doing what I'm going to call the "MS." This is an absolutely not-right LPHS reference, so I can't really elaborate here online. I think to be safe, we should only refer to it as "MS" before we get reported to the Internet Moral Police.

Alright, on to today's photos! Stay tuned. Also, I just realized that many of these photos have little to do with Fantasy teams, but whatever.

Cutest Photo of the Day

2009-06-08T01:08:00.006-05:00

Due to real life obligations, I have completely neglected Photos of the Day. I saved the ones I liked, but I didn't have time for coherent posts. My apologies. There were also a couple days recently where Yahoo! failed to update their gallery with the days' games, but they seem to be back on track. Today I present Cutest Photo of the Day, Daisuke Matsuzaka with his children. Matsuzaka might be having some struggles on the mound, but he's got some damn adorable children. He should bring them to all of is games in case his struggles persist! Maybe Big Papi can use some of that cute-children-positive-vibes for his problems.

IT'S THE WEEKEND! Here's some thoughts.

2009-05-29T17:12:00.003-05:00

Dude, yesterday's games were so slow and low-scoring. Let's hope that this weekend brings MORE GRATIFICATION and MORE BLOWOUTS.

In other news, I've re-signed Grandaddy Varitek for next week. Haha. I love that he got thrown out of last night's game after hitting two home runs. That's the kind of passion we like to see at Ladies Love Us.

If only someone would light a fire under Grady...Paul keeps insisting that Grady smells really bad and that's why he's not hitting well, but that 1) makes no sense and 2) can't possibly be true.

Managers, who do you think is your worst smelling player? I'm going to go with Adam Dunn on this one. With a nickname like Big Donkey? How could he not be?

Photos of the Day: 5/28/09

2009-05-29T00:23:00.005-05:00

Only five games today, so not many photos to choose from.

Doesn't Chipper look young here?

Papelbon being modest in his save??? Maybe he read our comments from a previous post.

BOBBY SCALES IS BACK EVERYONE! I saw him hit a solo HR, scoring the only run (or point) in the game tonight. But then he missed his chance to solidify his place in the big leagues when he missed a grand slam opportunity in the bottom of the 9th inning.

Jay-Rod. Jay-Z's hair is a hot mess. That should be illegal. Ugh.

Photos of the Day: 5/27/09

2009-05-27T23:12:00.008-05:00

Today's theme is, "I can't even know what to say."*

This does not look right. Jimmy Rollins looks like he's missing a leg here.

I like it when animals are incorporated into baseball, especially when there's a showdown between humans and non-human animals. What are the eagle and A-Rod thinking?

What could have been said to provoke Erik Bedard's facial expression?

Ichiro is caught stealing a base. There should be a name for this kind of tag out. OWT? CROTCHOUT? COCKSHOT PART THREE**?

So we all know about Carlos Zambrano going absolutely berserk today for a call at home plate. I guess I like this picture because it looks like God (invisible) is intervening by picking him up from the back of his jersey to try to force him to calm down.

God failed. I can't believe that ball he threw went all the way to the bleachers? Was that for real? This is the kind of tantrum a very young child may or may not throw, depending on the parents. The fact that this facial expression is on an adult is out of control***!

*This is a Mariah-Carey-ism, not me being an ESL speaker.
**This is a Lincon Park High School c/o 2002 reference, the video for which I cannot find right now; sorry to those who haven't seen it.
***To keep up with the Mariah-Carey-ism theme†, the proper denotation for "out of control" is "OOC." See track 11 on her most recent album, E=MC², for more information.
†If you don't like the Mariah Carey and baseball combo, I understand. However, it's not an entirely random connection, as she did date Derek Jeter, with whom she reportedly bonded over being biracial. I'll try to minimize the Mimi allusions, but this is just how my brain works.

New header + Photos of Yesterday

2009-05-27T23:02:00.009-05:00

OK! Looks like I was fretting over nothing. My problem solving skills are a little rusty, but I figured out a simple way to keep my header while not messing with the main text and sidebar widths.

I found yesterday's photos to be kind of uninspiring. I also overlooked a gem from previous days. So here are the "Photos of the Day" for yesterday.

May 24, 2009: Matt Palmer avoids a BEE

May 26, 2009: Nick Swisher spreads the love as storms brew above

May 26, 2009: Zack Greinke went nuts again yesterday. I really want photographers to catch these folks when Greinke has three strikeouts. Maybe they just wait for the fourth one and tack the third and fourth "K" at once.

EDIT
May 26, 2009: This picture was hiding in the wrong folder. Bartolo Colon pitched awesome last night despite being really fat and old. Amazing!

Header Issues

2009-05-27T01:00:00.004-05:00

Hello everyone. I am so sick of the Carlos Pena header it's not even funny. I can't imagine how annoying it must be for others who don't even have any investments in Pena to see him every day at the top of this blog. He's not even leading in home runs anymore, or at least not significantly. Anyway, the new header is sitting in my computer and in my Gmail account, waiting to go anytime. I just need a little help figuring out the HTML layout settings so that the width of the main text and sidebar lineup with the header. So......STAY TUNED!!!

P.S. If anyone would like to help ahemJoeahem please let me know and I will grant access to layout privileges, which I don't think other contributors have.

Memorial Day Baseball Photos

2009-05-26T19:50:00.008-05:00

A-Rod and Teixeira: BFF4LYFE

Jose Conseco's post-baseball life biography should be used in anti-steroid campaigns. Here he is in none other than YOKOHAMA, about to fight a South Korean mountain main in mixed martial arts fighting.

Cindy McCain looks like she is suppressing a serious urge to kick the ball on the mound.

A.J. doesn't get enough love. Here he is fooling around with the best center fielder ever, Brian Anderson.

Matsui does not look pleased with his Memorial Day hat.

POLL: DO YOU LIKE THE RED MEMORIAL DAY HATS?

Photos of the Weekend

2009-05-26T03:34:00.005-05:00

I'm going to have to cheat here since I'm so far behind. I'll be recapping from May 21 to May 24, the last four days of week 7 here in Fantasy. I'll pick up again tomorrow with May 25 photos to mark the start of week 8. Plus, all those red hats today deserve their own post.

May 21, 2009: Rangers pitcher Derek Holland wears a Disney princess backpack to the bullpen for unknown reasons. That'd be cute if he had to bring his daughter to work.

May 21, 2009: Twins annihilate the White Sox.

May 21, 2009: Astro Lance Berkman poses with his dog for some sort of calendar. I like how the dog is hefty, like Berkman. That's how you know it's really Berkman's dog.

May 22, 2009: David Eckstein HIT BY PITCH! Hehe...I hate him.

May 22, 2009: Alfredo Amezaga is sad. This must have been the day they were destroyed by Tampa Bay. On the Marlins' website this day, there was a feature article on how Jorge Cantu has "insider information" on the Rays because he played there for many years before joining the Marlins. The next thing I know, the score is 8-0 in favor of the Rays in the second inning. So much for "insider information," which was probably just, "Watch out for the entire lineup."

May 23, 2009: Sam the bald eagle from Cincinnati Zoo is apparently the star of a show the zoo has. How is a bird the star of a show?

May 23, 2009: Matt Kemp celebrates as he scores a run. This is a good way to score a run if you're not in a rush. Even if you are, you can slide and then get up and do this "I Scored a Run~" Matt Kemp dance.

May 24, 2009: Brian McCann watches his foul ball fly into the crowds. "Eee." It looks like he almost hit small children.

May 24, 2009: For someone who just tore something important in their knee and was taken out of the season for it, Akinori Iwamura does not look like he's in any pain.

May 24, 2009: To answer a question Jenni asked earlier re: the LandShark Stadium, the seats appear to be orange. This kid looks mighty pissed and sad.

May 24, 2009: Another one for Jenni--Sizemore finally appears in the Yahoo! Photo Gallery. There is more dust than Grady in this photo, but at least he was safe!

Just Sayin'

2009-05-25T14:54:00.002-05:00

I know I over-love on Casey Blake, but here he is on the front page of ESPN MLB. He's been everywhere, recently, and I'm super proud. IOWA! Just want to say that Third Base or Bust / Ladies Love Us were early on board "Ship Go! Casey."

I should be Casey Blake's publicist. If only he could lend his former team mate Grady Sizemore a bit of his hitting magic. Spread it around, boys.

Anyway, am very much looking forward to Kei's photo wrap up and Joe's weekly beast review. I can't believe it's not Sunday and that a new week of Fantasy is upon us. Congratulations to all for making it through one whole cycle!

Maybe This is Bad Karma...

2009-05-23T21:53:00.002-05:00

...but Jonathan Papelbon blew his first save tonight. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

In other news, Tampa is killing Florida (again). Grady Sizemore is going hitless (again, although admittedly he seemed to be breaking out of his slump yesterday. Nope. Not yet. But someday.... I believe). The Yankees won (again...okay, fine. They didn't win yesterday, but they've been winning a lot this week).

I'm watching the Dodgers-Angels game. John Lackey is as ugly as always. Juan Pierre wears his hat funny. And Vin Scully is AMAZING. He talked for five minutes about John Lackey flunking high school algebra. How does he know that?!

Oops. Randy Wolf just gave up a home run. BOOOOO. This is probably what I get for being so smugly satisfied about J. Pap. WHATEVER. HATERS MUST HATE.

Enter The Zone

2009-05-22T11:46:00.005-05:00

According to Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Baseball, "The Zone" is managed by the infamous Slavoj Zizek, whose name-accents I can't accurately reproduce here. According to Wikipedia, Zizek is a a "Lacanian Marxist sociologist, psychoanalyst, philosopher, and cultural critic." Busy guy. No wonder his Fantasy team is on autopilot.

In truth (although really, what is truth?), "The Zone" is the unloved robot baseball-child of artist and former Grinnellian, Nathan T.A. Here he is in front of a photocopied enlargement of Mordecai's freshman year ID photo:

I saw Nate last night at his MFA Thesis exhibition (congratulations, Nate!), and asked him a few questions about Fantasy baseball. Here's the conversation:

Jenni: So, let's talk about baseball.
Nate: (laughs) Okay.
Jenni: I hate to say it, but your team isn't doing very well.
Nate: Oh, I know....
Jenni: Really? Have you logged in since the season started?
Nate: Nope. It's a case of complete neglect.
Jenni: Well, I told Kei I would ask you about your team....
Nate: Hmm. I can say something about A-Rod. (laughs)
Jenni: Let me get out my notebook.
Nate: I'm very excited about A-Rod's return to the team and his future this year. He has a bright future and I'm totally unconcerned about his steroid use. It's not even an issue. I find him to be a very attractive young man and I think that the separation from his wife was the right thing. How's that?
Jenni: Good.
Nate: Feel free to embellish that in any way. (laughs)
Jenni: Oh, I will.

WHAT IS TRUTH?

I mean, here's Kei wearing a Cubs hat at a cross-dressing Harris party. Was Kei a Cubs fan? Is she now, secretly? Where stand the borders between Fantasy, Life and Lies?

To distort a quotation from another famous cultural critic, Theodor Adorno:

"It is self-evident that nothing concerning [Fantasy Baseball] is self-evident anymore. Not its inner life, not its relation to the world, not even its right to exist."

Photos of the Day: 5/20/09

2009-05-20T23:30:00.004-05:00

Empty LandShark Stadium at the beginning of Game 1 against the Diamondbacks. No one in Miami cares to see Hanley?! Or Jorgie?!

Noooo, SS Choo sinks

Don't chew tobacco when you field, chew gum!

Another gum lover, David Wright

Every time Phillips gets on base, it looks like he does a little dance. There should be a video montage documenting this tendency.

Congrats to Big Papi; sorry to Joe who benched him for the first time this season in another league. Pedroia looks like a very small child here.

When I first saw that Matthew McConaughey threw the ceremonial pitch at the Mets vs. Dodgers game, I thought "Oh God, he's just promoting some awful movie, this man needs to retire." But then I looked at his hat, and I'm pretty sure it's a reference to a famous line from one of his earlier roles in "Dazed and Confused": "Just keep on livin'...L-I-V-I-N." He was a big sleazeball in that movie, and I thought it suited him so well. I'm not sure what that logo is though; I may be wrong. But if I'm right, I cannot hate on the man.

PAPI DID IT!

2009-05-20T22:22:00.001-05:00

HOME RUN!

I can't believe I missed it. Boooooooo. But still, I'm glad.

Photos of the Day: 5/19/2009

2009-05-20T11:11:00.004-05:00

Yankees manager Joe Girardi warms up...I am officially scared of this man.

Captain Jeter checks on the SwishHawk. I like how Jeter wears his hat, very leader-like. Actually this photo gets better every time I look at it.

Cantu can't believe they lost to the Diamondbacks. You still have a huge fan in Chicago, Jorgie!!!

OHMURPH!

Look at Prince's jersey. Down to his KNEES! Everyone else's is down to their middle thighs!

The Mariners preach to the children. Lookit Griffey cracking up--Ichiro must be talking some universe business about not doing drugs, valuing education, acheiving dreams, and whatever else the caption said.

Who is "arbitup"?

2009-05-19T19:09:00.000-05:00

It's time unveil the identity one of the best but apparently robotic teams, "arbitup."

August 1998, Lincoln Park High School
Freshman year of high school begins for managers Joe, Nar, Andy, and me. I remember seeing Joe and the whole armada of "gifted" Bell students* on the first day of school outside the freshman building--he and Vinh were playing TETRIS AGAINST EACH OTHER on GRAPHING CALCULATORS. I had never seen a graphing calculator in my life before high school.

Anyway, I also distinctly remember a tall Asian boy, initially always with a tall Eastern European boy (who later turned out to be the genius trilingual Admir), walking around like they had places to be. I think they took their ID photos before me. Said tall Asian boy wore Polo, baggy jeans, and had a BOWL CUT that was GELLED INTO SECTIONS, making him look like he had a black PINEAPPLE BOWL CUT (the closest I could get is the image above right; photos courtesy of Joe; graffiti on right courtesy of Wesley, I think). I had never seen so many Asians in one place before, and Andy was one of the first who taught me, implicitly, that one can be "so Asian" by: hanging out with other Asians, wearing Ralph Lauren/Polo and Abercrombie & Fitch, gelling hair, and aiming for good grades, among other things. (For girls, I found that being Asian entailed wearing lots of Bebe as well, at least in our time.)

*I put the word "gifted" in quotes because that's what they were called, not because I doubt or hate on their giftedness. I can only hope my children can qualify for Bell's gifted program.

High School and Beyond
Andy was a stellar student in high school, studying hard, running hard, working hard for the money, and possibly even spiking hard on the volleyball team (I recall at least one successful spike while keeping score junior year, or was that Wesley?). He was also apparently a black belt in tae kwon do. It was rumored that he was the nicest boyfriend ever, possibly even too nice. He attended a liberal arts college on a full scholarship, studying history and economics, and becoming the most popular frat boy of his class. He landed a job as a FINANCIAL BALLER in Chicago, first living near that ratty Sears up north, then Wrigleyville ("Go Cubbies!" says Andy all the time) and now in a fancy condo skyscraper (OK, not really). I once took the pleasure of pretending to be Andy in his Wrigleyville apartment:

And here is Joe in Andy's tae kwon do gear, dancing to I think New Kids On The Block, but it could have been something else on Sing Star.

So, Andy is a very friendly, nice guy, who takes excellent care of his people. The only flaw I can think of pre-Fantasy is that he buys a lot of store brand shit. He had us over for a wine and cheese party recently, and the only cheese he had was what looked like ONE Kraft Single in his fridge, but it turned out to be a Jewel version made to look like Kraft, with all that navy blue design. That was so wrong.

2009 Baseball Season
Unable to find enough managers for an ideal league, Mordecai asked and persuaded Andy to join. Mordecai always says of Andy, "We're bros," so I think Mordecai didn't just want Andy to be in our league for the sake of having at least 8 teams; I think he wanted to strengthen their friendship through Fantasy. Here is photographic evidence of them being "bros," even though there's a general air of disinterestedness or detachment or something not-very-bro-y permeating through the photo:

Andy joined as team "arbitup." The significance of the name is currently unknown, though it seems like the name wasn't created to have no meaning--Andy recently joined Twitter and his username changed from his full name to "andy_arb." So far, Joe and I have thought of some kind of connection to Arby's. I invite others to think of hypotheses.

Unfortunately for Mordecai, the bro-bond is not strengthening at all. As far as anyone can tell, it seems like Andy is completely neglecting his Fantasy duties. He was not present for the live draft, and it appeared he had not set up a pre-draft ranking list. Moreover, he had LAST PICK and still ended up with an outstanding lineup. He has definitely made no moves for his team since the season has started; I don't think he's ever changed his lineup; and it looks like he never even logs in to check on his team or anything in the league. Some of us have actually seen him since the draft and since the season has started, and yet no one has been able to discern whether he cares about Fantasy at all or is secretly trying to destroy us. Maybe he has good reasons to shirk all Fantasy duties, but what's so frustrating is that he's doing SO WELL and has suffered NO INJURIES. And here are all these other managers pouring their hearts out into Fantasy, suffering injuries, lineup changes, roster changes, shuffling around in the league standings every week instead of staying steady in the top three every week.

After this week, we'll all have gone through the first cycle of facing every team. Will arbitup keep up the fantastic work? Will Andy ever really need to change his lineup? Will he surface and publicly participate? Will he ever care about any baseball besides the Cubs? arbitup is indeed one of the greater mysteries of our league. To be continued, perhaps.

Photos of the Day: May 18, 2009

2009-05-19T17:19:00.010-05:00

There were only a few games yesterday and I kept falling asleep after work so I forgot to the Photos of the Day. Jenni's post on TBOB of AC Slater reminded me, so here are yesterday's highlights! Stay tuned for Nick Swisher's haircut for today's photo highlights.

Glen Perkins reacts to giving up a three-run homer to A-Rod. He looks like he's falling asleep.

AC Slater throws the ceremonial first pitch; look at those bicep veins!

Sometimes, from far away, Chipper Jones looks really young and boyish to me. Most of the time though, he looks like a dinosaur.

Caption says Gary Sheffield connected; I assume this photo was taken after the connection because the ball is ABOVE the bat! Then again, I never took physics in my life...

It's sad that Rickie Weeks is missing out on the rest of the season, but come on now, does the Yahoo! Photo Gallery have to act like he's dead?

Ichiro climbs the wall after a home run ball--he looks like he wants to be one of them and stop playing for a second.

WEEK 6 BEASTS

2009-05-18T21:19:00.004-05:00

May 11 - 17

Pos. Name (Owner, Rank)

Hitters
C Victor Martinez (Vaggie Burgers, 9) 14/27 9R 1HR 7RBI 0SB .519AVG
1B Adrian Gonzalez (CHUTLEY, 11) 7/24 6R 5HR 7RBI 0SB .292AVG
2B Brian Roberts (Impending Doom, 6) 7/22 9R 1HR 4RBI 5SB .318 AVG
SS Jason Bartlett (CHUTLEY, 9) 10/21 6R 1HR 4RBI 4SB .476AVG
3B David Wright (arbitup, 2) 15/27 5R 0HR 9RBI 5SB .556AVG
One question regarding Mr. Wright:
Does he casually blow bubbles as he makes plays in the field? Or is that just a mouthpiece?

OF Raul Ibanez (Hit By Pitch, 1) 13/27 9R 4HR 12RBI 1SB .481AVG
OF Brad Hawpe (FA, 5) 10/21 6R 2HR 12RBI 0SB .476AVG
OF Shin-Soo Choo (FA, 12) 10/27 8R 2HR 9RBI 0SB .370AVG
Util Ryan Zimmerman (arbitup, 7) 11/27 8R 3HR 8RBI 0SB .407AVG

Pitchers
SP Roy Halladay (Ladies Love Us, 3) 16.0IP 2W 0SV 13K 1.12ERA 0.75WHIP
SP Jake Peavy (Hit By Pitch, 10) 15.0IP 1W 0SV 17K 2.40ERA 0.80WHIP
(Yahoo! galleries must not like Brewers, above/only image link in profile is broken)
RP Trevor Hoffman (Vaggie Burgers, 4) 4.0IP 0W 4SV 2K 0.00ERA 0.00WHIP
RP Francisco Rodriguez (Impending Doom, 19) 5.0IP 1W 2SV 3K 0.00ERA 1.20WHIP
P Zach Duke (FA, 21) 15.0IP 2W 0SV 9K 3.00ERA 0.87WHIP
Are those green beans in Ron Washington's back pocket?
P C.J. Wilson (FA, 27) 3.1IP 1W 2SV 0K 0.00ERA 1.20WHIP
P Micah Owings (FA, 30) 12.2IP 1W 0SV 9K 1.42ERA 0.95WHIP

Photos of the Day: 5/17/09

2009-05-17T23:40:00.011-05:00

Adam Dunn Reflects On Being Swept

J.J. Hardy is a Skeleton

Nick Swisher Got A Haircut

Carl Crawford Backs Up B.J. Upton and Manager Joe Maddon

Matsui: "GOMMENNASAI."

Nick Punto: "I CAN DO IT WITH MY EYES CLOSED!"

Sunday Morning Reading

2009-05-17T10:56:00.003-05:00

Hello, all!

Here's some morning reading to peruse before the day games get underway:

ESPN's Top 250 re-ranked, for those who are re-tooling their lineups tonight

Also, their weekly Fantasy Forecaster, with really useful advice about double-start pitchers

From the Times, a wrap of the Yankees-Twins game that starts with a great paragraph about A-Rod

Because I love-hate A-Rod so much, another article from the Times that asserts that he didn't tip pitches

Finally, Jack Kerouac as Fantasy Baseball Nut, also via the New York Times

Good luck everyone! Sadly, real world obligations will prevent me from tracking my FOUR starting pitchers as closely as I'd like, but Clayton, A.J., Derek and Mr. Halladay, I believe in you. Even if the Ladies fall to the Pitch-Hit (not sure what the noun of choice should be for referring to your team, N., sorry) in another near sweep, you've REALLY IRON-FISTED the innings pitched category and for that, I thank you. Work hard. Love hard. Lose hard. Go team!

Photos of the Day: 5/16/09

2009-05-17T01:46:00.001-05:00

I wrote in the comments of Jenni's post on Papi that がんばって, or gambatte, means something like, "You can do it!" Another translation might be "Do your best!" which I kind of like more. So today's theme will be: Do Your Best!

Werth, Stairs, and Howard: "We're happy we don't have to play a whole second game! We did our best; we win!"

Kaz: ファンタシー野球どうですか？　How's Fantasy Baseball going?
Fukudome: しんどいっすね。。。僕は６７％しか使われてないんですよ。It's rough...I'm only 67% owned.
Kaz: マジっすか？こっちは３０％っすよ！福留君、がんばれ！Really? I'm only 30% owned! Fukudome, do your best!

"Johnson questions the positions of his fielders"...he looks like he's going to murder them if they don't do their best.

Caught in a Rundown: Chipper Tired of Doing His Best

Joe said...
"no walkoff for phillips
hes on the road"
Phillips Can't Do His Best In Front Of His Own Face; Giles Does His Best

"Everybody do your best! I'm taking pictures today!"

5/16 Commentary

2009-05-16T15:51:00.003-05:00

ENDED

MIN 4 -NYY 5: A-Rod just won it with a walk-off homer in the 11th. Mark Teixeira goes 4/4 and was one triple away from hitting for cycle.

PHI 8 -WAS 5: high-scoring morning game of this double-header. Their hats look soooo similar.

Three close games: CWS 1 - TOR 2, MIL 1 - STL 0, HOU 4 - CHC 5. Lots of bases-loaded drama in these games, it seemed.

IN PROGRESS

CLE (Alyssa Milano ex, Carl Pavano) v. TB (Matt Garza, ugh), scoreless in the 4th.
NYM 3 (Santana) - SF (Johnson hunting down 300 wins) 0, in the 3rd. Could Santana actually get a win tonight? Stay posted. This game is on right now FOX, I think.

LAA v. TEX, rain delay. BOOOOOOOOOO.

TONIGHT

LAD (Milton) v. FLA (Miller) @ 6.10p, some pretty angry-looking mugshots, there
PHI (?) v. WAS (Cabrera) @ 7.05p, love it when StatTracker lists players as "undefined"
COL (Cook) v. PIT (Snell) @ 7.05p
OAK (Braden) v. DET (Porcello) @ 7.05p
ARI (Scherzer) v. ATL (Kawakami) @ 7.10p, big smiles in those mughsots
BAL (Hill) v. KC (Davies) @ 7.1op
CIN (Volquez) v. SD (Geer) @ 10.05p, this might be weakest team matchup of the night
BOS (Beckett) v. SEA (Olson) @ 10.10p GO MARINERS!!!! I hate Josh Beckett.

Anyway, thanks A-Rod. Tribe is threatening with 2 on and 1 out as I sign off.

Photos of the Day: 5/13/09 to 5/15/09

2009-05-16T01:38:00.003-05:00

Catching up on the past few day's treasures; long post ahead.

5/13/09

Escobar Face-tags Castillo Out

Reyes Double, Solo Celebration

Chris Young Windup

Everyone's Favorite Matt Kemp: The New Manny?

Adam Kennedy into Mike Avile's Crotch

Utley the Amazing Hunchback Fielder

5/14/09

Man Mountain Broxton Pauses

Kaz Matsui Can't Jump

Worst Yahoo! MLB Photo Uploaded Ever (Dave Bush pitching to Jorge Cantu; I think this was even a Getty Images photo)

Prince Fielder's HR

5/15/09

Hanley can't stand the rain

B.J. Upton Gets a Base (?) of Shaving Cream For His Walk Off HR (look at him taking it!)

Papi Benched! (T_T)

Cuban Missile Defense

Harang Sporting Some New Facial Hair

See you tomorrow!

Photos of the Day

2009-05-16T01:02:00.001-05:00

Since I save Yahoo! MLB photos every day, I suppose I should start doing something with them since I actually file them away in a rather orderly manner (well, orderly to me). So I guess I will start a little corner. I'll try to keep my commentary minimal, or herd them to the comments section.

THE YANKEES ARE BACK

2009-05-15T21:45:00.002-05:00

Well, Mark Teixera being the tying run (with weirdo Italian catcher Cervelli being the go-ahead) wasn't good for my Fantasy standings, but I don't care because THE YANKEES ARE OFFICIALLY BACK. I mean, not that they've gotten ahead in the standings, but it's vibes...cosmic vibrations. Yankees Universe re-ascendant.

Papi がんばって！

2009-05-14T21:19:00.006-05:00

Papi was only a Lady for about a month and a half, but he was my lucky #7 draft pick and it made me sad to see him do so poorly today. You KNOW he feels awful. I don't want Boston to win the AL East, but more than that, I don't want Tampa to win the AL East. And most of all, I don't want Papi to get put to pasture. Rally, Papi! I support you.

05/14/2009 commentary

2009-05-14T13:25:00.004-05:00

Lots of good pitching matchups going on right now:
Billingsley/Hamels
Verlander/Baker
Josh Johnson/other
King Felix/other
other ex-Cub/Dempster

First 4 pitchers listed have allowed less than one runner per inning through 4. And Verlander with 9Ks, but already at 67 pitches. So no CG for him today.

EDIT 1:48PM
Since Kei has upped the ante on these commentary posts by adding pictures, here's one:

5/13/09 Commentary (Starting off with Popperstein biases)

2009-05-13T20:28:00.011-05:00

Detroit vs. Twins

Not Fantasy-related, but Dontrelle Willis returns to the mound! I have no interests in the Twinkies (nickname courtesy of "Hawk," the TV announcer for the White Sox) so I hope, for Fantasy purposes and real-life purposes (are they really separable?) that Dontrelle gets past the 5th inning and some run support.

Okay, he made it to 4.2 innings pitched, Leyland just took the ball out of his hand. GO DONTRELLE!

Okay, as I write, Inge just homered and the game is now 5-4 in the sixth inning. Inge is benched for me, but IT'S TO SUPPORT DONTRELLE even if he doesn't get the win! I don't know why I'm madly rooting for the Tigers, and it doesn't make sense since they're White Sox division opponents, but WHATEVER.

Yankees vs. Bluejays

As usual, Scutaro starts things off for the Bluejays by walking. He's really good at this; my Yahoo! note on him says he leads the league in walks right now, or something like that. The Yankees seem to be taking advantage of Mr. Halladay no longer pitching, as they lead 8-2 now.

Brewers vs. Marlins

Jorge is on my bench (I still insist, as a mere observation, that he reminds me of Robert Redford in both complexion and eyes), but he matters with respect to Hit By Pitch's Hanley if Hanley doesn't homer every time he goes up to bat. The Brewers seem to be on fire, and here they are again, leading 8-4 in the fifth inning. Princey has no double homeruns (yet) but he has so far had a hit and 2RBI. Thank you sir.

Okay, the Marlins are creeping up, it's now 8-7, Brewers.

Reds vs. Diamonbacks

Cueto pitches, with real-life teammate/fantasy-opponent Brandon Phillips backing him up. Phillips' real-life opponent but Fantasy-teammate is Felipe Lopez, but they don't seem to be aware in real life:

It looks like Phillips is in the midst of clapping his hands (I like how both feet are on the base, so as to elevate himself) and Lopez is in the midst of shaking his head.

Alright I have no volition to go on with the other games, I suspect everyone is paying attention to their own interests. Good luck to all.

Conflict of Interest, 5/12 Night Commentary

2009-05-12T18:11:00.002-05:00

Although Swisher's on my bench and Jeter's on Girardi's, I still have a few uncomfortably contradictory investments in tonight's Yankees-Blue Jays game. Halladay v. Burnett, Cano and Lind. I think this is the first time I've had Fantasy pitchers go against each other, so far.

At times like this, I have to remind myself that I am a real-life Yankees fan, first and a Fantasy manager, second.

I also have baby-faced Clayton Kershaw pitching for my real-life second favorite team.

So, NOBODY WALK ANYBODY AND EVERYONE THROW STRIKES.

Lots of big games tonight! Good luck, all!

Ouch!

2009-05-11T12:07:00.006-05:00

So it occurred to me that MLB.com would prolly have every stat imaginable, including the grimace inducing HBP, or Hit By Pitch stat. At first glance, I thought my eyes were decieving me, as the season leader got rocked by a fastball or stray slider 8 times already. That honor belongs to Impending Doom's Carlos "Los" Quentin, or who I like to call Los Quentinolos. It is fitting that the league leader for getting a tattoo of a baseball is on a team named IMPENDING DOOM. He is on pace to get plastered about 43 times. Ouch.

Then I tried to look for who had gotten plunked last week, expecting to see maybe five, at most ten, players hit. To my surprise, 69 PLAYERS WERE HIT, 9 of whom were hit multiple times. Since I'm too lazy to list them all, I thought I'd acknowledge the player with the most HBP for the week who is actually owned by someone (a lot of the players that were hit I was like who?)

Carlos Delgado, owned by Ladies Love Us, also owned by 3 pitches.

Jason Werth gets the award for most hilarious HBP caught on film tho (haha awesome pic Joe). He definitely ATE that stray baseball. And then it traveled through him and he crapped it out.

In other news, Hanley had a monster week.

WEEK 5 BEASTS

2009-05-11T04:26:00.004-05:00

May 4 - May 10

Pos. Name (Owner, Rank)

Hitters
C Joe Mauer (CHUTLEY, 50) 9/23 4R 2HR 7RBI 0SB .391AVG
1B Adam Dunn (Ladies Love Us, 12) 10/29 6R 4HR 10RBI 0SB .345AVG
2B Jerry Hairston, Jr. (FA, 21) 10/26 8R 2HR 4RBI 1SB .385AVG
SS Hanley Ramirez (Hit By Pitch, 1) 16(!!!)/30 11R 4HR 7RBI 3SB .533AVG
3B Evan Longoria (arbitup, 5) 9/27 7R 4HR 14(!!!)RBI 1SB .333AVG
OF Johnny Damon (Vaggie Burgers, 2) 13/31 7R 5HR 15(!!!)RBI 0SB .419AVG
OF Jason Bay (arbitup, 3) 11/29 9R 4HR 14(!!!)RBI 1SB .379AVG
(still no pictures in gallery)
OF Ryan Braun (arbitup, 4) 11/24 8R 3HR 12RBI 1SB .458AVG
(sorry Nar if you were planning to use this for a hit by pitch post, this was too good to pass up)
Util Jason Werth (FA, 5) 9/21 8R 4HR 10RBI 1SB .429AVG

Pitchers
SP Zack Greinke (CHUTLEY, 8) 17.0IP 1W 0SV 15K 0.53ERA 0.59WHIP
SP Joe Saunders (FA/Hit By Pitch, 11) 15.2IP 2W 0SV 13K 1.15ERA 0.83WHIP
RP Brian Fuentes (FA, 25) 3.2IP 0W 4SV 3K 0.00ERA 0.55WHIP
RP Rick Porcello (FA, 27) 12.0IP 2W 0SV 8K 0.75ERA 1.17WHIP
(Rich Aurilia's frown indistinguishable above, image links to original 660x498 version)
P Eric Stults (FA, 13) 14.2IP 2W 0SV 9K 1.23ERA 0.75WHIP
Here's a bonus:

P Justin Verlander (The Poppersteins, 16) 9.0IP 1W 0SV 11K 0.00ERA 0.44WHIP
P Brett Cecil (FA, 20) 14.0IP 1W 0SV 12K 0.64ERA 0.93WHIP

5/9 Afternoon Commentary

2009-05-09T15:08:00.002-05:00

DODGERS v. GIANTS

Here is the Dodgers radio announcer (not Vin Scully) during the second inning:

"Casey Blake...he's never going to make an All-Star team unless he does something really...well, looking at his baseball card, he's never going to do that. But what he is is a good cog in a good team."

Then he talked about how Casey Blake has ridden a lot of buses in his life.

Matt Kemp's batting fourth...Joe gets his wish!! Someone should pick up Juan Pierre. He has a badass mugshot and he just hit a 2RBI triple.

Pablo's on the bench...I'm imagining him eating a bag of those new Giant Cheetos.

BOSTON v. TAMPA

Why does it seem like Tampa ALWAYS gets the first run on Boston? Why does everyone on that team steals bases? No offense to any Rays owners, but I HATE TAMPA. Like, crazy hate.

ATL v. PHI

SP Joe Blanton is super ugly. Javy Vasquez needs to throw more strikes.

TOR v. OAK

I always see Kurt Suzuki's name and think it's Ichiro.

Week 5 Matchup: Ladies Love Us vs. The Poppersteins

2009-05-09T01:15:00.006-05:00

The Marauders of Time's best, non-robotic teams are up against each other this week--Jenni's Ladies Love us and my Poppersteins. I intended to set this blog up as a place where I can vent about the weather postponing my TIGERS vs. WHITE SOX games (that's about 90% of my lineup) and most importantly, pour out my hatred on arbitup. But those days have passed, at least for now, and I have been relatively calm as of late. Last week I nearly swept the commissioner's team, and this week, I am up against Jenni, who has similar managing techniques as me. Our teams are well-managed in that we love our players through thick and thin, and independently of our fantasy commitments (at least compared to other managers, from what I can figure). I think we serve as exemplary fantasy owners and I want to see our teams dominate this league.

Today, at the Rangers vs. White Sox game, a family sat behind us and at the start of the game, the little girl wouldn't stop asking "WHERE'S WAHN OORIBAY?" After her dad ignored that question, she yelled, "I WANNA SEE NICK SWISHER!" Good call, little girl. Ladies Love Us is definitely collectively handsome, but I think what really makes me love them is the addition of Nick Swisher. I can't find any photos, but Swisher was recently ejected from the game for arguing a called strike. I follow Swisher's Twitter, and later that night, I saw this update:

These are the little but awesome joys I look forward to in Celebrity Twitter. In addition, he has pinch pitched a scoreless inning, blessed our economy, and Lil Wayne thinks that the explanation for all of this is that Swisher is an alien (this is how Lil Wayne explains his own greatness, or "greatness," your pick). To me, Swisher is the behind-the-scenes-glue to Ladies Love Us, even if his batting average this week is .059 and he starts left bench next week or some other week in the future.

In other Matchup news, it seems like both Jenni's star players ("manager's pet[s]," perhaps) are not doing all that well, and the same goes for me. Miggy was doing good earlier this week but has succumbed to the powers of power-pitching. I was counting on Jorge (believe in yourself, Jorge!) and Carlos to do some work like they did last week, but so far, not too impressive. On Ladies Love Us, it looks like Grady and Robbie are in a bit of a slump. But then these non-manager's pets are coming up, saving the day! Casey Blake and Adam Dunn are working some magic for Jenni, and BRANDON PHILLIPS for me. Six of Phillips' RBIs are from one game. But now he's down with the flu. Imagine he had the swine flu? I forgot to think about pitchers more carefully, but we know how beautifully things went down today.

Anyway, there are still two big days left. I am currently taking many categories, but a lot of them are really close. Ideally, it'd be tied and we'd own the league together. But with Nar's Hit By Pitch, i.e. HANLEY, going nuts, hmmm. We'll find a way!

Side by side

2009-05-09T00:06:00.004-05:00

To follow up on Jenni's latest post, I put our shutout pitchers side by side to capture the fantasy moment:

Beautiful.

By the way, look at CC's pants as they are cut off in the picture! I knew he was following the hammer-pants-trend.

Another Similarity

2009-05-08T20:38:00.001-05:00

Kei and I both had complete game shut outs tonight! THE YANKEES FINALLY WIN!

Against All Odds, Casey Blake Saving Ladies Love Us

2009-05-08T00:50:00.004-05:00

Casey Blake has heretofore been known, at his worst, as "Most Likely to Strike Out" (see below) or alternately, "Most Likely to Walk and Then Get Batted In by Manny Ramirez" at his near-best. But I love him (and I don't have any viable way of removing him from my lineup), so on we go together, through bad times and mediocre times and really, really bad times.

This week, though, Casey Blake is saving the Ladies Love Us batting average from sinking below .200! Look at those non-contributing Yankees! Nick Swisher COULD NOT BE WORSE! I would have been better off starting GRIFFEY.

Anyway, although he failed to save the Dodgers' winning streak, Casey Blake really killed it tonight. Look at him almost mauling the Natinal's catcher as he slides into home plate.

He looks like a Mortal Kombat character. IOWA PRIDE! Love it.

The Dodgers are my second favorite baseball team and I have to say that it was really sad to see them lose tonight. It sucks that tomorrow morning everyone will be speculating about how bad they're going to get without Manny Ramirez. But whatever, haters can hate...the Dodgers will be fine. And Casey, even if you don't get another hit this week, I promise not to make another joke about how bad you are until next Monday.

xx

05/07/2009 commentary?

2009-05-07T20:46:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking for about an hour about how to handle this, perhaps there should be a daily post where we could leave ongoing fantasy commentary as the games occur. The main thing I wanted to mention was Boston's sixth inning tonight, where they had 12 straight guys reach base without recording an out. That's pretty nuts. Unfortunately they had decided to replace BIG PAPI at DH with Julio Lugo, the master of the crotch grab. But yeah, since Ortiz is on my bench, this doesn't really belong in my Yahoo! matchup page or in general smack talk. Normally I would message Kei through AIM but currently she's in attendance at Mark Buehrle's one shutout of the year.

Any takers?

Say it Ain't So...Manny on Dope

2009-05-07T11:12:00.001-05:00

Although, now that I think about it, Manny Ramirez as a recreational drug user isn't such a shocking mental image. Still, my God. This is absolutely depressing.

Slider? But I just met her.

2009-05-07T08:47:00.003-05:00

Well, I really think I should be keeping up with this blog. I am happy to finally post, but really I have not thought of a cool theme. Maybe I will try to incorporate "hit by pitch" references for the week, but its kind of hard to track those down unless Sportscenter shows a clip, or it pops up on the injury reports. Hm, I'll conjure up something. So, there have been very interesting posts so far and it definitely is a pleasant changeup to constantly checking and worrying about stats all day, everyday. See what I did there with the changeup reference.

In other news, there is now a kink in that seemingly indestructible armor made of a special super element known as Evan Longorium.

I will try to keep up with this blog from now on, as baseball has steadily taken over my life. Stattracker is like the best 10 bucks Ive ever spent. ESPNzone sometime. Must happen.

Lastly, as for me and mordos matchup- how about the "Battle of the DL Angels pitchers"

Photographic Evidence that StatTracker is Busted

2009-05-05T12:34:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure if I'm the only person who paid $10 or whatever to use StatTracker for the year, but I'm pretty sure that I AM the only person who sits around at home all day staring at it (okay, that's an exaggeration. I'm reading a book and occasionally glancing to see when Grady's up next), but here is photographic evidence that Yahoo! Fantasy StatTracker IS [temporarily?] BUSTED.

Although I am 90% confident that Yahoo! will restore the wiped stats some time today (this has happened before, although they usually fix it much more quickly), the main function of the internet seems to be to allow people to fruitlessly complain about things for no good reason. So, here you go internet. I am helping you fulfill your potential. STATTRACKER IS BROKEN AND I WANT YAHOO! TO FIX IT.

Temporary Header Note

2009-05-04T22:38:00.005-05:00

Hi everyone, I hope Week 5 is off to a good start. I just want to make a note that the header is temporary; I know there are some strong feelings regarding the Rays and certain players circulating. But Carlos Pena currently leads the MLB in home runs, alone in the double-digits for now, and since I seem to be the only one with "Layout" privileges, I will serve my own interests at the expense of other managers'. But fear not, a new header is on the way, featuring various players representing various real and fantasy teams! I hope it arrives later this week or weekend.

Week FIVE Preview and Assorted Notes

2009-05-04T13:50:00.000-05:00

This week is bound to be a good, as it's Kei v. Jenni and Robot Pukolis v. Robot Zizek. Joe and Mordecai, can you think of something that you have in common with your opponents?

In attempting to explain the good-vibe-matchup between Kei and I earlier this morning, I tried to use the phrase, "Ladies over Gradys," but it got rejected as, "not a saying." I don't know...it makes PERFECT sense to me.

I've been thinking of doing a little number crunching in my spare time...perhaps to calculate essential stats like OLDEST and FATTEST team. Or maybe do the reverse-Joe and recap each week's WORST performers.

Also, this may be of interest: the dudes who do ESPN's Fantasy Baseball podcast have been trying to think of a term for when one of your player's teams does really well while he, personally, does big fat jack nothing. Like, for example, when the Yankees beat Detroit 11-0 last week but Teixera went 0/4. The best suggestions so far have been, "Miss Piggy," "Phantom Menace," and "Fantasy Goat." There have also been many 90s TV show references, like "Kimmy Gibler" and "Andrea Zuckerman," which aren't as satisfying, for whatever reasons.

Personally, I'm partial to "Phantom Menace," but I also like the sound of "Miss Piggy" for a player that just BOMBED for no reason. As in, "Grady Sizemore really Miss Piggied it against the Red Sox last week."

Thoughts?

WEEK 4 BEASTS

2009-05-04T05:14:00.000-05:00

April 27 - May 3

Pos. Name (Owner, rank)

Hitters
C Jorge Posada (The Zone, 21) - 5/15 5R 2HR 7RBI 1SB .333AVG
1B Jorge Cantu (The Poppersteins, 3) - 9/26 6R 4HR 14(!!!)RBI 0SB .345AVG
2B Mike Fontenot (FA, 6) - 8/24 5R 4HR 8RBI 1SB .333AVG
SS Willie Bloomquist (FA, 9) - 9/19 8R 1HR 3RBI 3SB .474AVG
3B Evan Longoria (arbitup, 2) - 11/29 9R 2HR 14(!!!)RBI 0SB .379AVG
OF Carl Crawford (Vaggie Burgers, 4) - 10/26 5R 0HR 2RBI 11(!!!)SB .385AVG
OF Raul Ibanez (Hit By Pitch, 7) - 9/18 5R 3HR 9RBI 0SB .500AVG
OF Nick Swisher (Ladies Love Us, 8) - 6/14 8R 3HR 6RBI 0SB .429AVG
Util Jose Guillen (FA, 10) - 10/28 4R 3HR 10RBI 0SB .357AVG

Pitchers
SP Dan Haren (Vaggie Burgers, 1) - 17.0IP 2W 0SV 21(!!!!)K 1.59ERA 0.53WHIP
SP Justin Verlander (The Poppersteins, 5) - 14.0IP 2W 0SV 20(!!!)K 0.64ERA 0.86WHIP
RP Trevor Hoffman (Vaggie Burgers, 23) - 4.0IP 0W 3SV 5K 0.00ERA 0.50WHIP
(no pictures in gallery, above thumbnail in profile leads nowhere)
RP Jonathan Broxton (Impending Doom, 26) - 2.2IP 2W 1SV 6K 0.00ERA 1.12WHIP
P Johnny Cueto (FA, 11) - 15.0IP 1W 0SV 14K 0.60ERA 0.87WHIP
P Yovani Gallardo (arbitup, 17) - 8.0IP 1W 0SV 11K 0.00ERA 0.38WHIP
P Matt Garza (Hit By Pitch, 18) - 7.2IP 1W 0SV 10K 0.00ERA 0.26WHIP

About Putting Most of One's Eggs Under One Umbrella

2009-05-03T13:53:00.000-05:00

Five of my nine starters washed away by rain in New York City today. Oh my.

Grady can you please just get a hit?

WEEK 3 BEASTS

2009-04-30T19:29:00.000-05:00

April 20 - April 26

At the start of a new week I plan to take a look at the best possible team that could have been fielded the previous week. Even though I don't fully agree with them, since I currently am too lazy to determine value myself I am for now and probably for the rest of the year just going to use Yahoo!’s weekly ranking and a photo (of my choosing) from what's available in the player's Yahoo! profile from that same week.

If a player is eligible for multiple positions, I’ll stick them in the position where there is the largest gap between them and the next best player for that position.

Pos. Name (Owner, rank)

Hitters C Brandon Inge (The Poppersteins, 14) – 8/20 5R 3HR 6RBI 0SB .400AVG
1B Albert Pujols (Vaggie Burgers, 1) – 9/20 7 R 3HR 11RBI 3(!!!)SB .450AVG
2B Ian Kinsler (Impending Doom, 29) – 5/28 5R 3HR 6RBI 1SB .179AVG
SS Alexei Ramirez (The Poppersteins, 22) – 7/22 3R 1HR 5RBI 3SB .318AVG
3B Mike Lowell (CHUTLEY, 9) – 10/23 4R 2HR 11RBI 0SB .435AVG
OF Jacoby Ellsbury (Hit By Pitch, 2) – 10/26 9R 1HR 3RBI 6SB .385AVG
(oddly no photos in his gallery)
OF Ryan Braun (arbitup, 3) – 13(!!!)/23 7R 3HR 8RBI 0SB .565AVG
OF Jay Bruce (arbitup, 4) – 10/22 6R 4HR 8RBI 0SB .455AVG
Util Curtis Granderson (The Poppersteins, 5) – 8/24 7R 4HR 6RBI 1SB .333AVG

Pitchers
SP Rich Harden (CHUTLEY, 8) – 12IP 2W 0SV 17K 3.00ERA 0.92WHIP
SP Zack Greinke (CHUTLEY, 13) – 9IP 1W 0SV 10K 0.00ERA 0.44WHIP
RP Ross Ohlendorf (FA, 16) – 14IP 2W 0SV 7K 1.93ERA 0.79WHIP
Since I can't imagine Ohlendorf ever appearing again as a weekly leader, here's a second photo:

RP Ryan Franklin (FA, 30) – 2.1IP 0W 3SV 3K 0.00ERA 0.43WHIP
P Tim Lincecum (The Poppersteins, 18) – 8IP 1W 0SV 12K 1.12ERA 0.75WHIP
P Jered Weaver (FA, 23) – 14IP 1W 0SV 11K 1.93ERA 0.86WHIP
P Yovani Gallardo (arbitup, 34) – 9IP 1W 0SV 7K 2.00ERA 0.56WHIP

Ladies Love Us- April Performance Reviews

2009-04-30T11:52:00.001-05:00

Hello Fantasy Baseball Friends and thank you, Kei, for providing me with this forum into which I will undoubtedly flood with posts of the anxious, angry and ecstatic varieties. Before launching into all that, though, I would like to write first month performance reviews to the members of Ladies Love Us.

C- Pablo Sandoval, SF Giants

Dear Pablo,

I don't know who you are, but you went 4/4 the other night and seem to be hitting fairly consistently. Also, last night you stole a base, which surprised me because I thought that you were fat! I'll have to look at your Yahoo! Fantasy Sports mugshot more closely. Anyway, keep up the good work!

Love,
Jenni

1B- Carlos Delgado, NY Mets

Hi Carlos,

Doing it good for an old dude. Looking forward to your return on Friday, hopefully.

Love,
Jenni

2B- Robinson Cano, NY Yankees

Dear Robbie,

You're the best. Thank you for your 15-game hitting streak and for your valiant performance against the Red Sox. A commentator on ESPN said that he thinks you need psychoanalysis, but I think you're doing just fine. You look a lot bigger than last year, though, so I hope you're NOT ON DRUGS. Don't break my heart and swing for the fences! You can do it!!!!!

Love,
Jenni

SS- Derek Jeter, NY Yankees

Dear Derek,

Some people think that your glory days are over, but not me. I don't mind that you haven't had a hit in two days. I will never, ever put you on the bench. You're the captain forever.

Love,
Jenni

3B- Casey Blake, LA Dodgers

Dear Casey,

I used Google Maps to look at a street view image of your house in Iowa. Is that creepy? Well, you're the one who let them put your address in the phone book. Anyway, you've consistently surprised me by not sucking as much as everyone said you would, so thanks for that. I know that there are third basemen with much better numbers in the free agent pool, but this team is about love so you have nothing to worry about. Also, thank you for hitting that awesome home run the other night. I hope you like L.A.!

Love,
Jenni

OF- Manny Ramirez, LA Dodgers

Hi Manny,

You're having a great week! Please don't get in any fist fights with first base umpires. I've been watching you on TV and you look like you might. Let's hit a few more home runs next month, okay? I know you can do it!

Love,
Jenni

OF- Grady Sizemore, CLE Indians

Dear Grady,

I know you know that you're having a horrible week and I know you know that I know that you'll pull out of it. I mean, of course you don't know that I know that because we don't know each other. But you know what I mean. You've really carried this team at points, and I want you to know that I'm behind you 100% no matter what. Thanks for all of your hard work!

Love,
Jenni

OF- Nick Swisher, NY Yankees

HI NICK,

WHAT UP DUDE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HIT TWO HOME RUNS LAST NIGHT! THAT WAS SWEET! WORD!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Jenni

Util- Torii Hunter, LA Angels
B- Adam Dunn, WAS Nationals (or Natinals)
B- Ken Griffey Jr., SEA Mariners
B- Brett Gardner, NY YAnkees
B- Vladdy Guerrero, LA Angels
B- Jason Varitek, BOS Red Sox

Dear Rotating Bench Members,

I am going to address you as a unit because, as far as I can tell, you're all pretty much interchangeable (except Vladdy,who is injured. Feel better!). Seeing as that I'll probably never bench 7 of the 9 people in my starting lineup, I hope you don't mind doing nothing for most of the season.

Love,
Jenni

P- C.C. Sabathia, NY Yankees
P- Derek Lowe, ATL Braves
P- Roy Halladay, TOR Blue Jays
P- A.J. Burnett, NY Yankees
P- Javier Vasquez, ATL Braves
RP- Kerry Wood, CLE Indians
RP- Mariano Rivera, NY Yankees

Dear Roy and Kerry,

I have never seen a photo of either of you smiling. Are you okay? I am slightly afraid of you, but thanks for all of those strike outs.

Love,
Jenni

Dear Yankees Pitchers,

Everyone's all down on you and your bullpen, but I have faith.

Love,
Jenni

Dear Derek Lowe,

You seem like a really nice person and you're doing pretty well! Thanks very much and sorry that your team blows.

Love,
Jenni

Dear Javier Vasquez,

I don't know who you are, but you throw strikes like a maniac. I love it! Again, sorry that your team blows, also.

Love,
Jenni

2009-04-29T23:59:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the Marauders of Time blog! Managers, share your fantasy baseball-related experiences of delight and frustration with the others in the league. This blog is for EVERYONE, so feel free to post whenever and whatever.